I have been tired for a long time. I don't remember the last time I had a complete night's rest, or even a really good nap for that matter. I always sleep with one eye open, so to speak, because I always know that I am going to be needed by someone at some point during the night. Sometimes Monica gets up in the middle of the night and comes to me. Sometimes Ken isn't sleeping well and says, "Honey, are you awake?" But, most of the time I am up in the middle of the night because I am helping Megan by making sure she gets suctioned (if needed), medications administered, in and out catheterized as of late, and changing diapers.
Yesterday, Ken and I received a call from the Ronald McDonald House (RMH) saying they had a room for us to use. We went over and "moved in," washed a load of laundry, and rested for a bit - Ken wanted to "facebook" (the hospital's WIFI has it blocked) and I just sat in the chair with my feet up and then made the bed with the clean sheets we were given when we checked in. We made plans at that time that we would both come back in the evening and rest together so that we would be ready to face another day at the hospital since we had been sleeping at Megan's bedside for most of the week. At best, you get interrupted sleep at a hospital bedside.
When the new nurse came in at 7:30pm to be introduced, he was a MAN. Megan has never had a male nurse in the hospital before. I freaked to myself and after the nurse left the room I said to Ken, "Would you mind staying here tonight to make sure that our daughter is protected tonight - since she needs diapered and cathed and all." He said yes before I finished the question. It isn't that I don't trust other people. My daughter is just one of the most important people in my life and my protective motherly instinct got the better of me. It is better to be safe than sorry, right?
Anyway, soon after that, I told Ken I was tired and wanted to walk the 3 blocks to the RMH while it was still light outside. He said OK and that he and Megan would be fine. I got to the RMH about 8:00pm, used the restroom, took my medicine (I have been battling a cold, bronchitis, and never-ending coughing fits for about a month now. I have just been taking my medicine and going about my daily activities like there was nothing wrong.), and went directly to bed.
I slept, and slept, and slept, and slept. I woke around 8am and 9am when our parents called for an update about how Megan was doing - which I sounded totally asleep for and sent them to call Ken's phone. Then, I took my morning medicine and laid back down so that I could hopefully avoid the full-blown "coughing attacks" that I have been having as of late when it is medicine time. I fell back to sleep and slept, and slept, and slept some more.
I woke up about 1:30pm and called Ken to see how he and Megan were doing. He said they were doing fine and to rest as long as I needed. I went downstairs to the pantry and found some crackers and a granola bar and got something to drink and went back to bed.
Then, I remembered that today is Sunday. I began to think about Sunday being set aside in the Old Testament as a day of rest. So, I got my computer out and started looking for references in the Bible for information about how I could use my experience for His good. I found out that resting on the sabbath has a few important meanings. First, God rested on the seventh day after He finished His creation. Secondly, resting on the sabbath was a gift to the Israelites when they were freed from their slavery in Egypt. Thirdly, He sent his Son to die on the cross for us so that we can rest in Him here on earth as a recipient of that gift. And, lastly, that we may have Eternal Rest when our soul is separated from our body on this earth.
Although my earthly body still feels heavy laying in bed as I type this post, I am resting in His promise that He is with me every step of the way and my work is temporary. One day I will rest eternally with Him and my body won't have to try to "catch up" from all of the work it has been doing to care for my family members this spring.
I have found this night and day to be an extreme gift because I have yearned for a night of sleep like this for so long. I don't feel rushed right now to get to my next activity because I know that the rest of my family members are in good hands. It is now time for my afternoon medicine again. I think I am going to take it and go back to bed, so to speak, because, you know, I never got out of bed yet today.
Where Is My Footing
4 months ago
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