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Sunday, September 6, 2009

How God must've felt

I am a dreamer. I think in my sleep. I cry in my sleep. I have written term papers in my sleep. And, I have brainstormed solutions to problems in my sleep.

Last night was no different. Only I was given a different view or focus of my family's current situation as we watch Megan's tired body struggle to catch her breath as her chest and airway muscles are constantly in motion and we are trying to find the right combination of medications to relieve any suffering she endures.

Another bit of information I think is important for you to know is that I have never viewed the movie "The Passion of the Christ." We were gifted the movie a couple of years ago but I have never been able to bring myself to watch it. I know that the many people I have talked to about it say it is very powerful and followers of Christ are given an entirely new perspective on what exactly Jesus did for us when he died on the cross.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.
(from the version of childhood recollection)

That promise is what we hold onto to comfort us and know that our daughter is not going to be gone forever. She is getting a perfect, pain free body where she can eat, sing, dance, walk, play, praise Jesus, and pray for the rest of us here until we meet again.

With that said, I have told a few people lately that "I wish that Megan and I did not have to go through this process. Why couldn't she just fall asleep and wake up in heaven? I don't want to watch this."

Early this morning it came to me in true "Job fashion" (character full of suffering in the Old Testament)- a question. How must God have felt to watch His Son be tortured, beaten, and hung on a cross knowing that he was not going to a place of happiness, complete rest, and fellowship?

Jesus took our punishment for those few days until He Rose Again so that we wouldn't have to endure it for eternity. And, let me tell you, my friends, this - that feels like hell to us right now - is the closest we ever want to get. And, God knows how I feel exactly (actually, He knows worse).


Kristine said...


We are praying and my heart is breaking for your family and what you guys are going through. If there is anything we can do please let us know. I'd be more than happy to come and take Monica out for a little while, or bring food or run errands, whatever you need.

Much Love,

Anonymous said...

We are continuing to lift you up in prayer and you are often in my thoughts! We are praying for peace and comfort for all of you during this difficult time. We love you and we know that Megan is in God's loving arms and He is holding her close during this difficult time. We pray you feel His love surrounding your family every moment of every day in the midst of this journey! Love, Andrea

Pamm said...

Such an interesting perspective, Lori. It's always helpful to reverse our thinking- healthy and refreshing, too.

Amy said...

Lori I am praying for you and your family as well, I cant imagine what you are all feeling and this post put it in a pretty good perspective. May you all find peace soon.


signingcharity said...

You are so right, He does know. He really does.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted you to know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. The strength and perspective the Lord has given you is a testimony to His grace and you are an encouragement to me. We'll keep lifting your family up to Him. Love, Katie Holtgren