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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Processing

I am an analytical thinker. I was going to put this post on about Megan's funeral and the many wonderful flowers, thoughts, etc. that everyone has sent to us. It has really been a great source of comfort to us.

I was really worried about what my last memory of seeing Megan was going to be like. I have always been very uncomfortable with death, not wanting to get close to others who were dying or already passed away. I have been the type that has trouble dealing with viewing people in their caskets. When I was in college my class on bereavement visited a funeral home and I had nightmares for a couple weeks after that field trip.

The funeral home did a very nice job with preparing Megan's body. I always viewed her as a baby because of all the care she needed. However, she looked like a porcelain angel just sleeping. I always knew she was a beautiful little girl. But, she was breathtakingly beautiful. I took pictures so that I could remember how she looked because it felt like a message to me that she is at total peace now.

Many of you also know that Megan's 10th Birthday was the day after her funeral. We bought a balloon bouquet and took it out to her grave site - which looks beautiful with her flowers on it. It was a very emotional day for us. Our family met out at the cemetery, held hands in a circle, and sang "Happy Birthday" to Megan. I could only sing two lines of the song before I started crying.

While I took many pictures last week, I find it hard to edit and prepare them right now. It is still so hard for me to say out loud that Megan is not with us anymore. It has been almost two weeks - long enough to feel the absence, but not long enough yet for her to just return from a vacation (even though I know better).

4 comments:

Amy said...

Still praying for all of you Lori. My aunt has twin boys, she had them 11 months after having a little girl and had a 3 yr old at home as well. I tell you this because the lesson I learned from my mom is that GOD knew what he was doing by giving the twins to my aunt rather than her. Mom always said she thinks she would have lost her mind. Anyway I say this to you, to show you GOD had a reason for giving you Megan. You all learned so much from her and cared for her in a wonderful way. Megan will always be a part of you and your family and you get to stay here for the time being to teach others about Megan and the love you had for her and that she had for you. Hope this brightens your day and puts things in a good perspective for you.

Pamm said...

You're doing a good job, Lori. There must be a million things to work through and overcome during the mourning process. Day by day, Lori, God will give you what you need. I'm still praying for your family.

signingcharity said...

Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. I am continuing to pray for you.

Amy Genn said...

Dear Megan's Mom,

Just found your blog today while researching G-J feeding tubes.
Thank you for your detailed information. We are heading that direction for our son.

I started reading older posts on your blog and quickly learned of Megan's passing in October.

Please accept my sincerest condolences. I cannot even imagine the emotions you are dealing with. My heart breaks for you.

Take care and God bless you.
Amy (Eli's Mom)