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Friday, June 4, 2010

I'm still here...

I have planned a dozen posts in the last two weeks.
None of them were ever photographed, edited, or typed out.
I am tiring of posting about loss.
I want to seem upbeat and not a downer.
My posts keep getting mixed between up and down and I'm worried about seeming bipolar.
I have information about living with special needs and how we did it.
I don't want others to think I don't know what I'm talking about because I don't have a special needs child anymore.
We are supposed to be normal now.
We do everything like we're supposed to now.
I don't always pick the "way of the ramp" anymore.
I look like the mom of a 9 year old child.
But, I don't feel like a normal mom of just one child - because I'm not.

5 comments:

Cap Creations said...

Hi Lori. Don't worry about how you seem to others. The ups and downs are expected when dealing with loss. One day is good and the next not so good. It's okay.

I think about you often and how you must be coping with the change of not having to be depended upon all of the time anymore.

I will continue to pray for you and your family and I hope each day gets easier.

Anonymous said...

I love your honesty, Lori. My two stepkids moved to their moms 3 1/2 years ago, after living with us for 10 years--I raised them fulltime from the ages of 4 and 6 to the ages of 14 and 16, homeschooled them. My situation does not compare in the slightest to yours, but I do identify with not wanting people to think I only have 2 kids, when I raised 4 and feel like the mom of 4. When I meet somebody new, and they ask how many kids I have, I am never quite sure how to answer, although it seems like such a simple question. I don't want people to think all I know is little kids, when I've mothered two teenagers who will both have graduated highschool after this Sunday. Our relationship with them has changed so much, and for all practical purposes, we're really a family of 4 now instead of a family of 6, but still... I don't know what you're feeling because I've never experienced all that you have, but I just wanted to say I identify in that small way with you. You are beautiful and loved.
Renee'

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Pamm said...

Bring on the posts- up, down or in-between. It's who you and and that's why we read your blog. Love you, Lori.

signingcharity said...

I agree, I want to read your up posts and your down posts. If they were all upbeat we would know you were leaving lots out, and that would probably make us worry more about your sanity; seeing both up and down gives us a glimpse of how your coping. I hope that makes some sense.