Rough week...

We started the weekend getting ready for Megan's sleep study knowing that we may not see my Granny ever again. The four of us went to see her. Megan waved to Granny. It was a very touching moment.

Then, we packed our van and went to Indianapolis for the sleep study. Megan was still fussing quite a bit. We gave her some extra pain medication for the trip so that it would not be unbearable. We checked into our hotel and got ready for her appointment. We had to pack all of her medications, breathing treatments, diapering supplies, etc. (You would think we have about 5 kids if you saw how full our van was.)

I took Megan to the sleep study. I took pictures of her wearing her gear, the mom bed, etc. I was going to write this great post about sleep studies and what you go through during the event. It looked for a while that Megan was going to go to sleep. But, she got agitated. And, more agitated. Annnnd, MORE AGITATED. She NEVER went to sleep. When the time was over in the morning, I was frustrated. I don't want Megan to feel like we are asking too much of her. I have watched my Granny say "enough is enough" most recently.

My Grandpa Brown (Granny's husband) was a 30+ year kidney transplant survivor. He lived every day of his life remembering the gift that he was given, not only from Christ but his brother as well. He asked my parents to get married a month sooner in 1972 because he did not know if he would survive. Not only did I enjoy a wonderful relationship with him and granny, I have pictures of them holding both of my children. He knew what a gift just being able to live every day was. I want my family, and especially Megan, to feel that way too. I wasn't supposed to know my Grandpa. But, God granted us more time to know him. He believed in fighting for each moment to improve life until there were no moments left.

I am torn. While I know that Megan's condition is eventually terminal, I want her to view each day as a gift and not too much to ask of her. I don't want her to think that living is just too hard. It's a fine balance, and I am having a really rough time with my feelings this week.

A couple weeks ago, someone asked me how we deal with Megan's hospitalizations and knowing her physical limitation looming ahead of us every time. I told them, "we prepare for the worst, and then hope for the best." I didn't know how else to describe what we go through.

A few weeks ago I found a message someone left on my post regarding Megan's diagnosis. This statement has stuck with me. It says what I was feeling and what I want to continue living. "First, you have to do what you have to do to prepare for death, you pursue health as well as you can without letting it take over your life, and then you live as though you are going to live." This is so hard. And, it is hitting me hard as I say my earthly goodbye to my Granny any moment.

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The Art of Living

I have invited my Mom to share a part of her life that has been very difficult and yet rewarding at the same time. She is in the midst of honoring her mother's ultimate wishes, which has proven to be quite a task in these last few months, weeks, and finally days. Please pray for my mother and grandmother as my grandmother awaits her Heavenly invitation and my mother enjoys the final moments of their relationship here on earth. These are my mom's reflections:

Over the past nine days, I have been sitting at the bedside of my mother who is living the final days of her life. As I watch and pray, several things have stood out to me.

Developing and maintaining a relationship with God our Creator, Jesus our Savior and Lord, and the Holy Spirit our constant guide and helper, is the most important relationship we can cultivate.

There is no substitute for a team of loving, caring people at life’s end. Whether they are close family members or health care workers, tenderness and a willingness to tend to your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs cannot be overrated.

Time appears to little children as something that takes “forever” to tick by. As children turn into adults, time begins to pass very quickly. As people approach midlife, time flies by so quickly it appears that the “things” we believe we must accomplish may not come to fruition. Finally, at life’s end, time appears to stand still. It becomes our enemy because we so want to celebrate the beginning of new life in heaven with Jesus and our loved ones who have gone on before us.

All people need other people. There is really no such thing as a “loner.” God made us to serve and support one another. The love, care, and prayers of others is of utmost importance during difficult times. The relationships we cultivate and the people we lovingly serve throughout our lives become the legacy we leave behind.

Nothing takes the place of heart-felt laughter during trying times in life. It is so important not to take oneself or those around us too seriously. A guffaw coming from deep in the belly is very healing to a hurting heart.

We come into and go out of the world with no earthly treasures. All material possessions that we store up over our lifetime have no meaning or worth and the end of our lives. Those things we have held so dearly are not necessarily held so closely to those we are leaving behind. In fact, those stored up possessions can become quite a nuisance to family and friends.

The direction the toilet paper is placed on the roller, putting the cap on the toothpaste, and the manner in which the towels and washcloths are folded really doesn’t matter. Allowing the small things to frustrate us steals away our joy. Listening to the birds early in the morning, feeling the soft breeze blow across our faces, noticing the ladybug on the rosebush, and stealing a long look at the face of a sleeping baby brings peace, comfort, and joy to our souls.

Being able to remember these simple thoughts when life once again speeds up is my personal challenge. I so want to leave a legacy of love and care for others. This, for me, is the act of living a successful life.

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