No Handbook

Remember when you had your first child?

Remember what you were feeling on the day you brought him/her home for the first time?

I'm not talking about the obvious sheer joy that comes with the knowledege that you were chosen to be the parent of the most beautiful person you have ever laid eyes on. I am talking about the healthy dose of reality that sets in the moment you realize you are responsible for this new life and that there are so many "things" to know and learn about being a parent and caring for your child. Some find it exciting (I did too, by the way), some are very serious, some are even - dare I say - frightened.

Some call their parents and pick their brains for knowledge, some read books, some take their pediatricians advice as absolute gospel, others just "wing it" (I am craving this skill today. If anyone has it let me know what the secret is). Anyway, I have done all of the above actions many times throughout my parenting career and I am still frightened. My parents do not have the answers, textbooks have been thrown out the window, pediatricians are stumped, and my only option is to pray for wings to pick me up and carry me through this uncertain time.

I have been doing a lot of reading about how other parents in situations such as mine are living their lives and handling their emotions. Emotions run rampant and it is physically draining even before mentioning the 24-hour care that I am responsible to provide.

All this is to say that we are coming home very soon. Megan's fever has been under 38 degrees celcius (that's the magic number - although 37 degrees is 98.6) for about 30 hours now. I pray that the fever continues to stay away even after the two weeks of the IV antibiotics are finished. Although, we are unsure how realistic this is. We have tried to change some dosages with her daily medicine regimen to try to help her tolerate her feedings and they are giving me a schedule for when she can have additional pain medication and how much to give. We are working out details with the home nursing care company in preparation for our homecoming as far as the 14 day of IV antibiotics are concerned. On the bright side, I am so excited to be able to see my family again and sleep in my own bed.

Please pray that I will feel more peace about our new regimen once again and that I will be able to complete the many necessary requirements of caring for my sweet daughter. I am feeling so very inadequate. But I love this little girl more than humanly possible.