How God must've felt

I am a dreamer. I think in my sleep. I cry in my sleep. I have written term papers in my sleep. And, I have brainstormed solutions to problems in my sleep.

Last night was no different. Only I was given a different view or focus of my family's current situation as we watch Megan's tired body struggle to catch her breath as her chest and airway muscles are constantly in motion and we are trying to find the right combination of medications to relieve any suffering she endures.

Another bit of information I think is important for you to know is that I have never viewed the movie "The Passion of the Christ." We were gifted the movie a couple of years ago but I have never been able to bring myself to watch it. I know that the many people I have talked to about it say it is very powerful and followers of Christ are given an entirely new perspective on what exactly Jesus did for us when he died on the cross.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.
(from the version of childhood recollection)

That promise is what we hold onto to comfort us and know that our daughter is not going to be gone forever. She is getting a perfect, pain free body where she can eat, sing, dance, walk, play, praise Jesus, and pray for the rest of us here until we meet again.

With that said, I have told a few people lately that "I wish that Megan and I did not have to go through this process. Why couldn't she just fall asleep and wake up in heaven? I don't want to watch this."

Early this morning it came to me in true "Job fashion" (character full of suffering in the Old Testament)- a question. How must God have felt to watch His Son be tortured, beaten, and hung on a cross knowing that he was not going to a place of happiness, complete rest, and fellowship?

Jesus took our punishment for those few days until He Rose Again so that we wouldn't have to endure it for eternity. And, let me tell you, my friends, this - that feels like hell to us right now - is the closest we ever want to get. And, God knows how I feel exactly (actually, He knows worse).