Our Special Needs Life

Today...

2011-05-15T20:16:00.003-04:00

is exactly 1 week before Monica's 10th Birthday. I love her so very much. We spent the day going through her dresser and closet and switching her wardrobe to warmer weather wear. It has been a bittersweet day. There have been many things that have reminded me that this is all the time I got to spend with Megan. We looked at so many outfits that Megan wore first. We put some away for good. Others, we put away for next fall and winter. Then, I realized we will probably have only one more season with older sister clothes to wear. Monica used to be so excited to get into Megan's new sizes. She always thought Megan had the cutest clothes and she hardly ever stained them or wore them out.

I am so thankful that we're not having an early birthday party today because our time fell short with her. I don't think my heart could handle it.

But, on the other hand, it's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that Monica will have surpassed her sister in age. Is she older now? Will she ask me that question and make me choose an answer? How long will it be before someone reminds me of this fact? And, will I have the grace to smile and nod? Or, will they get the brunt of my grief and pain?

Thanks for the encouragement

2011-04-05T10:22:00.001-04:00

God knows I need it. I have felt a little bit of the weight coming off my shoulders since my last post. I've been told that Social Workers are the hardest people to admit that they need help since they are so used to helping others. I should be able to fix myself, right? It's easy to see signs of mental health in others. Not so much yourself, I guess.

I've been reading lately and am trying to come to terms with naming some of the feelings I have. Grief is hard. As soon as you think you've turned a corner, it smacks you in the face.

I'm not OK!

2011-03-25T13:46:00.004-04:00

I have been living the last year and a half of my life keeping busy and just accepting that this is the road I have to walk. This was the plan for me. I have find a way to move on and not concentrate on the past. There's nothing I can do to change it. She's not coming back. There's no use in thinking any different. I just HAVE to accept it.

When I was little and got disciplined, I would literally take what I had to in public without frowning, wincing, or shedding a tear. Then, when I was all alone in the privacy of my own space, I allowed myself to release the feelings that I needed.

I can't hold it together anymore. I feel bad. I can't concentrate. I am tired. I can't sleep. I don't know how to name, let alone release, the feelings inside me. And it really sucks.

Devotional for the Grieving

2011-02-11T09:11:00.003-05:00

I found this 30-day devotional that is based on the book of Psalms today. It is free to download and print. You can find it at the Raising Arrows blog. It is written by a mother who lost her baby in 2008.

Chad and Baby Miranda

2011-02-08T08:31:00.004-05:00

Update 2/9/11:
Sometimes the miracle lies in the ability to understand the answer you are given, persevere, and trust that God's promises will prevail in your life.

Baby Miranda went to live with her Mommy and Jesus last night. Please continue to keep Chad in your prayers. He has a tough road ahead of him. But he is still praising God for the strength and courage he received in the last few days - and the ones to come.

This weekend friends of ours were in a car accident. The Lord called Sara (the wife) home to Jesus. She was due to deliver their first born child at the end of this month. Doctors were able to deliver their daughter, Miranda. She is on life support, with no brain activity. Today is the day a miracle needs to happen. PLEASE pray with me, and thousands of others, as we pray comfort for Chad in the loss of his wife, and for a miracle from God. Baby Miranda is so perfect!

This is their family website. They waited for a long time to get pregnant and have blogged about their journey to meeting their baby.

Free Printables

2011-02-01T12:22:00.005-05:00

I am finishing up on some forms for special needs families to use for various medical issues needed. The links to these free printable forms will be available shortly. They include:

Medication Lists - both detailed and compact

Daily routines

Packing lists for day outings, school, vacations

Observations/issues to be discussed at the next doctor's appointment - collecting raw data

I am currently working on getting the .pdf hosting that I want to use ironed out since I can't upload a .pdf file to blogger.

Are there any other types of forms that you would use or find useful that you would like to see?

I will be showing my face here..

2011-01-24T14:05:00.003-05:00

Soon. It's amazing how fast time goes by when you're so busy you can't think straight. My family went weeks without much interaction from me throughout the holidays and so I tried to give more time to them when January started and I have been slowing down a bit.

I learned last year that keeping myself busy through the holiday season was helpful in keeping my mind off of certain issues in my life. This year I was a lot busier. I wanted to try to enjoy at least some of the season, but it was still hard.

Now, I am puzzled trying to find a new jumping off point. I have a couple new things planned and will tell about them in the next post that I am psyching myself up for. Until then, hope you are having a fun winter - even though I really hate snow and we've had two feet of it forever already.

Hello!

2010-11-21T21:12:00.003-05:00

It's been a busy, busy November for my business, Dolly Outfitters. I have been sewing doll carriers non-stop and am currently listing my last batch for Christmas delivery.

This is my second year of awesome-ness (Is that a word?) at holiday time. Last year, I was busy all the way up to the shipping deadline and was very pleased. This month I will surpass the volume of both November and December of last year. WOWSERS!!!!

So, I am going to try to post on here more often. I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I've buried myself in my sewing room, LOL! No - It's not that clean anymore either :(

Scribblish Winner!

2010-11-09T17:59:00.003-05:00

I almost forgot to announce the winner of the Scribblish! game winner from Halloween weekend.

The winner is: Deb Postma!

Congratulations! E-mail me your mailing address and I'll get you registered for your free Scribblish! game.

You can view a demonstration of how the game is played here.

Halloween crafty-ness

2010-11-03T14:41:00.007-04:00

For my second posting for the Halloween Party to win this awesome camera on the SITS girls blog is to show a craft you've made for the holiday. I have two crafts to share.

A few years ago, I made my daughter and another friend mermaid dresses to wear trick-or-treating together. I was really into making costumes and this was the third year in a row. I waited until the last minute so that the girls could put them on right after they got back from school. The skirts were too long. The girls had to hold them up to walk everywhere. One of them came back from trick-or-treating without a hem because it tore when she tripped on it. So, a word to the wise -- make sure to give yourself enough time to measure the proper length (or at least fix the length) of a skirt before it's use is needed. Sigh.

The second project is also a large glass of lemonade. I was going to make my husband this gorgeous Halloween scrub shirt for work. He likes to wear printed shirts at work and there aren't any masculine printed shirts at the scrub shop. This was the second scrub shirt I was making since starting my sewing classes.

I decided to save some class time and cut the pattern pieces ahead of time. When I got to sewing class and showed my instructor what I had done. She was both surprised and a little disappointed. I had perfectly cut the pattern just like I was supposed to with one little detail left out. I had cut all my pattern pieces from the fabric with the gorgeous print UPSIDE DOWN!

So, instead we decided to make this great drawstring candy bag. My daughter has used it to trick-or-treat every year since. Did you notice it in the photo of the girls above too?

Last Halloween...

2010-10-30T12:31:00.004-04:00

Monica was Ariel. This is a picture of her and a friend. They dressed alike for the Trunk 'N Treat held at the school's parking lot.

This year, she is excited to be another Princess, of course. I'll tell in another post!

This post is being linked to the SITS girls blog for an AWESOME giveaway prize. Join us and find out what it is!

Do you play games?

2010-10-27T20:17:00.005-04:00

This giveaway is now closed!

I have a fun holiday weekend giveaway to start today! My Blog Spark and Hasbro have teamed up to provide a lucky reader with the game Scribblish!

It's kind of a cross between the historic "telephone game" and pictionary. The players are each given a phrase to draw. Then, they switch drawing papers and have to guess the phrase based on the drawing from the person who handed them the paper. Then, they switch again, and the next round has to give a new phrase to the drawing. At the end, players vote on which final drawing and phrase was the one they started with and which one turned out to be the funniest transition from the original phrase.

I hope this makes sense. I'll post game play pictures after the long weekend so you can get a better understanding of what the game is about. If you want to enter to win your own Scribblish! game, just tell me in the comments what your favorite game was growing up or what your favorite game is now!

The fine print: Hasbro provided me with a free game, information, and the prize pack to the winner through MyBlogSpark.

Water and Diet Coke don't taste the same!

2010-10-25T12:00:00.004-04:00

I know. I know. We already knew that, right?

My taste buds have definitely been shell shocked because I took some of the greatly needed advice that you guys left me last week. Thank you all so much for your comments and suggestions.

I don't have Diet Coke in my house anymore. I had my last one last night.

I have only had ONE 12-pack since my last post on Wednesday.

I have been drinking more water in between my caffeinated beverages, coffee and diet coke - which I no longer own stock in, LOL!

I do have some coffee left. I have only been drinking about half a pot of that a day though.

My taste buds don't like water as much as diet coke.

On the bright side, I think I saved an extra roll of toilet paper over the weekend with my lessened intake of liquids.

What did you do this weekend?

I'm an addict

2010-10-20T10:42:00.006-04:00

It began as a light desire for what tasted good.

Yes, I admit that I just "liked" coffee and Diet Coke.

It's not such a problem when you have a regular schedule to keep and you can't have one of those two items on you at all times. You just enjoy it while you can.

That changes, though, when you don't keep a schedule and you are able to have one of those two with you at all times.

It starts off all innocent. Oh, I finished my last one? Better get another.

Then, it became a part of me. It went from being on the table next to me, to my hand, to an attachment on my purse that goes everywhere I do.

When I put it somewhere and I couldn't find it, I got another one out. When I finished that, I got another one out. When I found one I left somewhere and didn't know where it went, I combined it with the one I was currently drinking. (Notice the container size difference?)

It's a big joke when you finally realize just how much you consume. It doesn't affect you personally. And, it's a very socially acceptable addiction. After all, I'm not smoking or doing something really bad for me or anyone else.

It isn't a joke, though, when you realize that Diet Coke has become half of your grocery budget and you only buy it when it's on sale. You say to yourself, I should stop consuming so much of it, right?

So, I bought more coffee. After all, it's cheaper to make yourself.

I was talking with my husband recently. I asked him what I should do. He said, "You should just start weaning yourself off of it." Then, I asked him how I should go about doing that. He said, "You should just limit yourself to, like, one a day."

"Um, Honey, I don't know if you've really been paying attention to what I am telling you. But, when you (I can't believe I'm typing this!) consume a 12-pack a day, only having ONE is like going COLD TURKEY!"

What am I going to drink the rest of the day? I always have something with me. Stitch a seam. Take a drink. Stitch another. Take a drink. Make a blog post. Take a drink after each paragraph. Um, does anyone know how many paragraphs are in my blog posts? A lot. (And all you readers thought I just know that breaking up long posts is easier to read on a computer screen - insert scary, sarcastic laugh here.)

Have you noticed the tension I have in writing about this subject today? It's taken a lot of anxious energy to write this one, LOL! (Just count the number of paragraphs here.) A whole giant cup of coffee has been consumed already in the time I have written this. I am currently out of Diet Coke. Coffee is my back-up caffeine.

Yes, this is a real addiction. It has taken years of habit formation. I have real symptoms when I don't consume any for a few hours - really.

In light of the subject of my last post about eye twitching, I have decided that I need to do something about this addiction. I am starting to wonder if this addiction is part of the cause of my brain not being able to settle down at night to sleep. Although my sleeping issues started last year, for obvious reasons I hope, I can't help but wonder if the caffeine is compounding the problem. Both of these symptoms are causes of eye twitching - fatigue or lack of sleep and the over consumption of caffeine. I can't help but wonder - is this my wake up call?

I do have a doctor's appointment in early November and will be discussing this issue there as well.

Until then, I am asking you lovely readers, what would you do in this situation? How do I go about weaning my caffeine consumption? Do you know anyone who has been in this situation before?

Why is my eye twitching?

2010-10-14T14:28:00.001-04:00

Or, better yet, why won't my eye stop twitching? That's the question that's been bugging me the most. It hasn't seemed important so I've been trying to ignore it the last few weeks.

Then, I caught this thread on MckMama's forum. She was wondering why her eye was twitching too. Then I realized there were, like, 5 pages of responses from people who had the same problems and links to common sources to the eye twitching problem.

Here are the most common sources of the problem according to Eye Care Basics.com.

Why Does My Eye Twitch?
Eye twitches can be triggered by a variety of different factors. Some of the conditions that cause eye twitches are environmental, some are physiological, and some are psychological in nature. Below is a list of some of the more common causes of eye twitch:

* Fatigue or lack of sleep
* Over consumption of caffeine
* Physical or emotional stress
* Anxiety or phobias
* Brain damage or other neurological disorders
* Associated with temper tantrums (especially in children)
* Eye stress associated with extended viewing of the computer screen
* Epilepsy

The only two I can't really identify with are neurological disorders and epilepsy (in myself, that is, because I have extensive experience in this area of physical ailments). Of the other 6 reasons, I deal with one of them daily from my daughter and the rest pretty much have. me. pegged. That must be the reason BOTH my eyes have been twitching this week!

(Plus, maybe the fact that I tried to post this on my business blog rather than this one. I hope I got it deleted before anyone saw it!)

Today is a special day!

2010-10-08T14:37:00.008-04:00

First of all, today is Megan's birthday. Happy Birthday, Meggie Meg! Mommy loves you!

Next, today I am officially announcing that a portion of my new e-book, Creating a Back-to-School Handbook for Your Special Needs Child, is available. I wrote this book because when I think about sending a special needs child to school, there is a lot of preparation that's necessary for a smooth transition. When I wrote this post with tips for starting the school year off right, I thought the main thing I could do to help people prepare is tell them what I did every year when Megan started a new school year. Then, I got an even bigger idea. And, my thoughts turned into writing a book. I wrote most of the text for this guide on Megan's first eternal birthday, October 1, 2010.

Creating a Back-to-School Handbook for Your Special Needs Child tells parents of special needs children how to organize the information that the school needs to know about their child. It tells parents what information to write about their child's personality, their medical needs, their daily schedule, and also what the school should do in the event of an emergency. This book is written so that no instructions to the school are left out. The teachers and aids know exactly where to turn when they have a question before they pick up the phone. And, they know which phone numbers to call depending on where the parent may be during the day when it is truly necessary.

Having this tool for your child and the school creates a "win-win" situation. The teachers and aids know exactly what your child needs. They are trained to work with your child specifically. And, you and your child are more comfortable (and less anxious) with the care he or she receives while at school.

This guide is for you if:
1) You are a parent looking for a way to help you organize the information you have to send your child to school.
2) You know a family who could benefit from this guide.
3) You work with a special needs student and their family and want to help them make the best transition to school as possible.
4) You are a school system looking for information to help your staff members learn how to care for special needs children.

To download a copy of Creating a Back-to-School Handbook for Your Special Needs Child, just fill out the form on the left sidebar of this blog and you will receive a link to download Part 1 of the e-book in your welcome e-mail. Your e-mail address will not be shared with anyone. I will only be letting you know when Part 2 of the e-book is available and when other great e-books are ready. (I have several ideas in mind to be written over the next few months. They all pertain to helping parents with special needs children.)

Part 1 details everything a parent needs to know to write their own handbook for their child's care. It is 11 pages full of helpful content!

Part 2 of the e-book is a sample handbook. And, it isn't just a bunch of words. It is the actual handbook for the care of my Megan that we used when we sent her off to school for the day. And, in case you're wondering, it talks about her personality and social needs, her medication and changing schedule, operation instructions for her medical supplies and equipment, and what to do when a piece of equipment isn't working right. This sample handbook is a lot more than 11 pages and may even save a parent some work if they use any of the same equipment that Megan needed. Because of the extent of the personal information and time-saving value shared, Part 2 will not be a free resource. However, it will totally be worth the price!

So, please sign up to receive Part 1 of this awesome tool! If you don't think you can personally use the guide, please Tweet or "like" this post on Facebook using the buttons below to let everyone know that this resource is available. This resource is awesome and could help parents, special needs children, and school officials start a strong relationship with one another.

In case you noticed the form

2010-10-05T21:06:00.004-04:00

There is a new form in my left sidebar. It is for receiving free resources, tips, and advance notice of events that are sponsored on Our Special Needs Life. It is also the mode of delivery I have chosen to offer the free portion of my new ebook, "Creating a Back-to-School Handbook for Your Special Needs Child."

I am not quite finished with all the details. However, if you want to know what I've been up to before the "official" post - you can sign up to receive the information and get the link to the ebook now. There may or may not be an attachment showing on the e-mail system emails. You don't have to click it - I'm trying to figure out how it got in there in the first place, LOL! The link to the ebook file is in the body of the "Welcome Email" and not in the header where the paper clip shows. I've spent a lot of time on this today and it's late now. I'm headed to bed. Maybe I'll dream about how all this is going to work in the future and my problem will be solved by morning - a girl can dream, right?

Today is day 365!

2010-10-01T14:08:00.004-04:00

If you look down to the left sidebar at the Twitter feed you'll see that it has been 365 days since my Megan went Home! She was rare! treasured! priceless! I have been getting by emotionally lately by not thinking about the fact that today was coming. But, the last couple of days I have been thinking about how I can make today turn into the best that it can for our whole family.

Ken is working today and Monica is attending school. I have been here in my studio working. The only project I have been working on today has been to finish writing the Back-to-School Handbook for Special Needs Children. This handbook is turning out to be really awesome. I haven't released it yet because its a bit more than I was expecting it to be. I think it is really going to help people who have a special needs and/or medically fragile child start an awesome conversation with the school and keep the lines of communication open, honest, and enjoyable.

I am using today to start contributing to my daughter's legacy rather than choosing to succumb to the personal stagnation that grief can create if we allow ourselves to be overcome by it. I am choosing to take each step as I feel led to offer inspiration, help, and hope to those who are living the amazing struggle of caring for their children in unfathomable ways. I can't wait to show you what I've been up to!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"
Philippians 4:13

Awesome!

2010-09-28T09:21:00.009-04:00

This is a really powerful video. The speaker is an abortion survivor and tells what happened to her. But, she also has something to say about the beauty of people with special needs and a call to action for men and women to do what is right in the name of Jesus.

Gianna Jessen, abortion survivor | Gianna Jessen, supravieţuitoare a avortului from provita on Vimeo.

I am working...

2010-09-22T15:31:00.003-04:00

I am working on some printable guides for making sure you have all of your paperwork and medical information in order when your special needs child (or medically fragile child) begins school for the first time or just begins a new school year. It has taken me longer than I thought it would. But, I am steadily reaching that goal! My next blog post will be the presentation of this guide. I am hoping that it will be available on Friday - but it might be Monday (I hope not, LOL!)

Totino's Prize Pack Winner!

2010-09-16T16:57:00.005-04:00

The winner of the Totino's back to school prize pack with bonus Box Tops and free pizza coupons is.......

Jenna Wood!

I will be contacting you shortly for your mailing information so you can get your prize.

Now, look at all these ideas for things to do while snacking on Totino's Pizza...

1) Watch TV.

2) Have Family Talk Time.

3) Color.

4) Sort through school papers and place the ones that go back to school in a special spot to grab quickly when packing the school bag for the next day.

5) Have a sock puppet show.

6) Share with the neighbors - AWESOME!

7) Read a book.

and, lastly,

8) Surf the web and read e-mail and/or blogs!

All of these sound really fun! Thanks for sharing everybody :)

Starting School with a Special Needs Child

2010-09-14T19:32:00.003-04:00

I promised last night that there would be a post with tips on starting the school year off when you have a special needs child. My daughter not only had special needs but was medically fragile. There may be some items that you do not need to do. I hope that is the case for many of you reading this post. These are all things I have done for Megan to get ready for a new school year to start.

1. Pick up all forms for medical needs about 10 days before school begins. These include, but are not limited to: general health questionnaires, medication administration sheets, permissions for procedures at school, and whatever else the school needs in documentation to care for your child..

2. Fill out said forms and take them to the doctor's office to be signed. I usually made an appointment because it does take the doctor quite a while to sign them all. Then, I didn't spend so much time on the phone faxing and then calling to remind the office that I still needed them.

3. Go to the pharmacy and get mini-bottles with the current prescription information on them for each medication to be given at school. Then, you can pour the liquid (or otherwise) medication into them to keep at school and just send home when refills are needed.

4. Remember to ask the pharmacist for extra syringes for the school bottles for the liquid medications. Go when the nicest one is there so that they give you at least one for each mini bottle you need.

5. Write out a schedule for everything your child needs throughout the school day with the corresponding time it should be done. Include the medications and dosages on this too - the separate sheets the doctor signed for you should correspond with this schedule.

6. Write out a procedure page for each piece of equipment your child has that needs to be used by the school staff. (For example, the nebulizer, suction machine, feeding tubes, feeding pumps, etc.) This tells step by step how to use the equipment. Yes, I still had to go in for a couple of days and show them how and then watch them do it too. But, each year, the number of days I had to go at the beginning of the year lessened as the staff was more comfortable with everything that needed to be done.

7. Write a page regarding any emergent needs your child has and what should be done if any of them happen. For example, how should the school treat your child if they have a seizure, their g-tube malfunctions or comes out, they act out of character for themselves, they have trouble breathing, etc. Also include if they should just jot you a note to read, contact you, or call 911.

8. Ask the teacher to inform you if anyone is coming to school sick so that you can keep your child home, if needed.

9. Pack a bottle of hand sanitizer to have for the classroom and have other people/students wash their hands or use the sanitizer before touching your child.

10. Pray for your child, their teachers and aides, and yourself. You are all going to need it!

Is pizza your child's favorite after-school snack?

2010-09-13T19:09:00.004-04:00

Preparing your child’s back-to-school shopping list can be hectic but choosing the perfect after-school snack should be effortless. (Especially, with the invention of the microwave and frozen entrees and snacks. It's no secret around this blog that I love candy and ~~junk food~~ food that can be easily prepared.)

This fall, Totino’s is also helping to support your child’s school. Totino’s Party Pizzas will now carry Box Tops for Education! Now through September 15, Totino’s is offering two Box Tops for Education on every Totino’s product.

To celebrate this event, General Mills (Totino's) has teamed up with My Blog Spark to offer a great prize pack consisting of a backpack and school supplies, a coupon for free packages of Totino’s® Party Pizza® and Pizza Rolls® Snacks, as well as 25 Bonus Box Tops. (Yup, I already got mine.)

Now, here's how you can win one of these awesome prize packs as well.

Leave a comment on this post telling us what your child’s favorite thing to do is while snacking on Totino’s after school.

Or, tell us any tips you have to make surviving the back to school season easier - now that we've all just begun a new school year.

This giveaway will be open until Friday morning, September 17, 2010! Good luck!

Tomorrow, I will be sharing tips for starting the school year with a special needs student.

Yoplait Giveaway Winner!

2010-09-10T19:08:00.003-04:00

The winner of the Yoplait Splitz prize pack for free coupons for Yoplait Splitz yogurt and this cool picnic tote is:

"I would really like to try the banana split one. I think that would be an interesting yogart flavor. Cool giveaway!
Dee Dee Gerber"

OK - Dee Dee, e-mail your address to me by Tuesday so I can turn your info in to the prize pack patrol! You can use the e-mail link on the left hand side bar.

To answer your comment, yes the banana split one is good. That's the one I got.

Also, I agree with Karen who said she'd like the yogurt to be peanut butter flavored. Great Suggestion! Since there's more than one flavor in the Splitz pack, I might add chocolate to it too!

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone! I have another giveaway lined up for next week! What is your favorite kind of pizza?

Yoplait Splitz Review and Giveaway!

2010-09-06T21:07:00.005-04:00

My Blog Spark, a company who helps bloggers promote new products for companies, sent me and all my readers a coupon for $.75 off a package of Yoplait Splitz, a new tasty yogurt.

Yoplait Splitz combines flavors in the same cup to provide maximum enjoyment for your taste buds. Ken, Monica, and I tried the Strawberry Banana Split flavor and it was indeed a treat to our taste buds - very creamy too. They also have Rainbow Sherbet and Strawberry Sundae flavors. A four-pack was regularly priced at $2.69 at our local Meijer store, less with the coupon. Download it today for your discount too!

Yoplait Splitz is also great to freeze and then include in your lunch box. Monica loves to do this!

My Blog Spark and Yoplait also sent me this prize for trying Yoplait Splitz and telling you all about it - Awesome!

This insulated picnic time tote is really nice. When it came in the mail, I was thinking about who I could gift this awesome prize to. Then, when Ken saw it, he said I was gifting it to him so he could replace his cheap grocery store reusable tote. I guess it would be an upgrade for him.

Guess what? They are also sending one of you guys this prize pack as well (as long as you comment on this post). I am not paying for this giveaway - so all of you who won't enter a giveaway from me knows that the only one who loses out on this is you if you don't enter.

For one entry - leave a comment on this post saying which flavor you would like to try or suggest that they make.

For 2 extra entries leave a comment saying that you followed Yoplait on Facebook or Twitter. (Leave a separate comment for each.)

The winner will be announced on Friday morning, September 10, 2010!

Fine print: *This coupon offer for a free pack of Yoplait Splitz is not valid in some states, including California, Idaho, Louisiana, Minnesota, New Jersey, Nevada, North Dakota and Tennessee.

(Please note that it is very important that you disclose that the Yoplait Splitz, the prize pack, information and the prize package for giveaway were all provided by Yoplait through MyBlogSpark.)

Beautiful on the inside too!

2010-09-03T07:28:00.006-04:00

Monica, the beautiful, is attending a new school this year. We thought it would be a better fit for her and a fresh start. Monica is in the fourth grade and really loves her new teacher.

This afternoon, after school, Monica was talking with the teacher of the other fourth grade class because she has a very special student in her room. Monica told her, "If you need any help with your very special student this year, you could let me know."

"Oh really?" the teacher replied.

"Yes, I know what she likes. She needs someone to talk to her, read to her, and touch her. She would really love it."

The teacher said, "You know what? You're right. She does love all of those things."

To which Monica replied, "she's like my sister."

What a great gift she has to be able to see the needs of others.

The edge

2010-08-25T10:49:00.007-04:00

I've been staring at it for a while now. I've been looking back at it, wishing and dreaming it didn't happen. But, it has. Every time I try to turn myself around, little things come along beside me and I am reminded that the edge is there.

I've always been kind of a "glass half empty" kind of girl. That's just how I roll! The edge to me has been the imagery of being at a cliff, walking up to the edge, looking down towards the doom looming down there. I didn't want to have anything to do with it.

Then, my wonderful "glass half empty" personality changed the imagery. As the situations in my life changed, I think I actually felt myself falling down the cliff for a while. Then, I turned those feelings off - because they don't feel good. You can cope with them off.

But, I was still at the bottom of my cliff looking back up at the edge. I scrambled for a while trying to think of all the ways that I could get out of the situation. None of them were viable ways and, luckily, I recognized that truth and dismissed those notions. I leaned heartily on the support system I had left that I hadn't isolated myself from.

Last year, interestingly, through my efforts of trying to build my business on Twitter of all places, I found some blogs and thought, "I can do that!" So I did. I started this blog and off I went. But, something happened. I started thinking about the feelings I had shut off.

At the same time, I was able to reconnect with people I had isolated from. I even made some new connections with new people - imagine that! I am, always have been, and always will be - an introvert! I don't make friends easily and then when I do, I am always trying to find the reason that people are going to stop liking me. Or, use my negative circumstances as a reason that "my stuff is too heavy for others to want to bother with." (I know, I know - negative and pessimistic!)

Over the last year, I have been trying really hard to keep up the new connections I have made. I actually accepted an invitation and got out of the house to get coffee with someone. I went shopping and out to dinner with a friend. I went to a girl's night out get together at another friend's house. And, to top it all off, I did something really major! I went to a large 2-day womens conference and roomed with someone who wasn't another family member!

It was at this conference where I heard and learned a new definition of my "edge." The speaker defined the edge as "the point at which something is likely to begin." I bought her book to read more about it. Although the story is about her journey with weight loss and other issues unrelated to my circumstances, this simple principle is something that resonated with me.

The speaker wrote in her book, "How many times do we beseech God for something, sure that we know what's best for us? Oh-please-oh-please-oh-please, God! God is our all-knowing Creator, and we're the ones duped by our own self-centered and narrow-focused pleas. We think we know what's best for ourselves, and we beg God to give it to us. But sometimes God does what He knows is best for us, even while we're begging Him to do something different. Even when the divine thing he's doing looks like devastation through our limited earthly eyes."

I've been reading, "The Edge of the Divine" by Sandi Patty. It's helping me to redefine the edge in a positive way instead of doom. The edge is simply a place where something is likely to begin. A place where God can show me His divine nature and will for my next steps so that I am not continuously turning around to look for what I have lost. Hmmmm.

I recruited...

2010-08-09T19:17:00.004-04:00

another model. Look how excited she is!

She wasn't sure what was happening. The ponytails in the dolly's hair were replaced countless times. Boy, did we learn a lot more about multiple young children and photo shoots.

Counting the days!

2010-08-06T16:31:00.003-04:00

11 days from today, my girl will be a fourth grader! Where has all the time gone? I thought the last day of school was yesterday!

Stream of consciousness

2010-07-31T08:30:00.003-04:00

I am going to try this blogging method today because I don't have a ready topic right now but want to say something to my lovely readers. I don't like it when I don't say anything for a week or longer.

I have been pretty busy. Running an online store, attending the flea market 2 days a week, keeping up with inventory for both, trying to design a new line of girl/doll clothes, and redesigning my website are HUGE time swallowers!

We did have a chance to take Monica to the fair on Thursday and had a lot of fun. She rode her first non-kid sized ferris wheel, had her hair sprayed pink like Pinky Dinky Doo, and won a gold fish at one of the games.

Me? I found a sewing store vendor at the exhibition booth and fell in love with the serger I have only heard about and think about in my dreams. It did not disappoint! Now, I am completely re-prioritizing my business cash flow to include this machine much sooner so that I can start designing new, more professionally looking KNITWEAR myself and not buying them from other vendors to re-sell. Yes, I know I am crazy about this. I also know knitwear is not known for being an easy medium for sewists. I can't wait to tackle it though, LOL!

Dear Megan,

2010-07-22T23:00:00.004-04:00

I miss you, girlie! Whenever I start to think about you, my heart smiles...then I think about what you must be doing right now. I can't wrap my mind around the place where you are, what that place looks like, how differently you look, what you are thinking about, and if you are thinking of Daddy, Monica, and I waiting to see you again.

When I hear someone speak of Heaven, I think of you. When I hear songs about praising Jesus, I wonder what it feels like to you to actually be there. I can't fathom the emotions that you must feel surrounded by everyone there. It makes my heart smile, and glad that Jesus made a way for us to know and see one another again when I get there too.

Then, I start to think about how long it may be before that takes place and I feel my eyes getting moist and start to wipe the tears. I am not sorry that you don't have to live in a body that doesn't work anymore. I don't know how you did it with such a pleasant attitude - I don't think I could have lived in your body and still smiled most days.

I just want you to know that I miss you and can't wait to see you again. You are in my thoughts every. single. day.

Love,
Mommy

Praying for Peace and Health

2010-07-16T19:54:00.002-04:00

I have a close friend who is expecting her third baby in early August. Her baby is very active and appears healthy. However, she is worried about the baby's position while preparing for the labor process.

She has prayed for me unceasingly and I would like to offer the same back to her as well as make everyone aware that she needs peace and continued health for both of them as the delivery approaches.

"Lord, touch my friend and her baby. Calm the nerves and bring your peace to her home so that her family may enjoy one another as they await their newest family member's arrival to their arms. Amen."

Application

2010-07-12T13:56:00.003-04:00

Our youth ministries pastor spoke yesterday's message at church. His message centered around this verse:

Hebrews 13:5 (NIV)
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,
"Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you."

Even in the midst of circumstances we don't understand, He has not left us. We can choose to let our feelings get the better of us. Or, we can run and jump into the arms of the One who can carry us.

What circumstances in your life make you want to run to Jesus arms and stay there?

Are they the ones for which you are waiting?

Are you waiting?

2010-07-09T09:36:00.004-04:00

Going through a season of waiting is really hard. I remember waiting for an answer I just knew I was going to get from God. But, it seemed like He had forgotten that I was still there asking. It felt, at times, like He just left me hanging there.

When we got married in 1996, Ken and I had a plan for our careers, how to raise our children, and live our life together. However, we were handed a different plan. We weren't given all the pieces to the plan at once either. We weren't sure where exactly the plan would lead us or what the outcome was going to be.

When you are given a new plan with no real details, there's the temptation to start to "fix" situations yourself when you are waiting for the details to be revealed. I have thought to myself many times, "Maybe it is something I am supposed to be doing that will help." However, many times, the more I tried to "fix" things myself, I found myself in a deeper mess.

I remember praying so many times, "God, just help me find the lesson here so I can learn it and my problem(s) will go away!" Throughout my waiting process, I learned something about looking for answers.

Sometimes God is preparing someone else to be involved in our plan.
God knows we need help and sometimes He is lining up the important players to be involved in our life or situation. This takes time and we can't always see what is going on until the day the door opens. Then, more details of the plan are revealed in a way that is practical and makes sense.

Sometimes God is working in us to change our motives.
Have you ever thought about why you are asking for what you want? Are there any other people involved? Are you asking about something only for yourself? Are you asking for your pleasure or convenience? Are you giving God a deadline? Are you asking to be rescued from your situation? What is at the root of your request? James 4:3 says, "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

Sometimes God is waiting on us to figure out that we want something totally different instead - something better.
Have you ever waited for something long enough to change your mind? You aren't even interested in that request any more. Or, you may find a way of fine tuning that request and found that you hadn't thought through the first request well enough. Is the request a real need?

Sometimes our problem is not totally about us!
You may be going through your circumstance so that others around you may benefit from the way you handle things. Is there anything you have finished where sharing the process might be helpful to others? Can you encourage them?

Sometimes God is asking us to trust Him.
When our request really is worthy, waiting enhances the gift of the request being answered! God wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Are we trusting Him to come through for us at His perfect time in our lives? Are we trusting Him to show us another way that is better than we originally planned?

Sometimes God just wants to see us persevere.
You know, a character building thing. Romans 5:3b-4 says, "because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

What is the hope for? I am glad you asked!

James 1:12 says "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

My Hope is in this promise. So, then, God, can my crown be made solely of diamonds? Unless, of course, You have something better than diamonds in Heaven!

Welcome to "Our Special Needs Life"

2010-06-28T12:15:00.005-04:00

Update: I have decided to re-post this welcome message because it says so much about what the purpose of starting this blog was in the first place.

Original Post:
Our family life began with Ken and Lori. We were married and started our journey together in August 1996. Our first daughter, Megan was born in October 1999 weighing in at 7 lbs. 5 1/2 oz. Our second daughter, Monica, was born in May 2001 weighing in at 8 lbs. 9 oz. We were excited to have our two girls born close together so that they could become close friends and enjoy one another throughout their lives. However, shortly after our second daughter Monica was born, we began to realize that some red flags that we raised concerning Megan's development would highly impact our family's daily life as well as how we each relate to each other, the world, and to God.

Our plans for living our lives "the right way" with two amazingly well-behaved girls (effortlessly, of course), loving our jobs, providing a nice home, and seamlessly pacing through all the major stages of life together - CHANGED FOREVER!

The more we learned about our daughter's condition, the more our lives instantly changed until we had no choice to simply put everything we trusted in completely over to God. It seemed that no aspects of our lives were safe from the effects of our daughter's illness. When you have a child with a serious illness, the whole way you think, live, and breathe is different. You view the world from a completely different perspective. And, some days, it feels like the world also views your family from a completely different perspective.

Our prayer is for that everyone who reads the words on our site may be encouraged, uplifted, amused, informed, and delighted all to the Glory of God who made us, with no mistakes! It is only by His grace that we all get up every day, face the challenges that come with pride, and live as a steward of His love to the rest of the world. For our success is not in what we accomplish throughout our lives but how we go about our lives being thankful for everything we are given and teaching others to praise amidst whatever circumstances may present.

Please enjoy our thoughts, antics, advice, information, and family history knowing that we are taking this journey together, one step at a time. We LOVE to hear comments, stories, suggestions, clarifications, and situational humor from our readers who consider themselves "Special Needs Families" as well.

Reflection:
When I was a young girl and we would go to my Grandparents house, there was quite a lot of "Jesus" and "church" talk. My Dad was a minister and my Grandparents were mature Christians. I would remember listening to them talk about concepts, religion in general, or songs that they loved. I can still hear my Grandfather's voice saying, "That's a hard one!" I always thought, "it's just a song!"

Now, I get it. It's not just a song, verse, saying, or quote. It's so much more. It's a feeling that creates so many thoughts and ways to analyze how to bring glory to the God who made us and gave so much for us so that the things that we go through in our lives don't have to be so painful forever!

When I wrote this paragraph on May 7, 2009, I had no idea that this blog would become the documentation of the end of a wonderful life as well as a great source of encouragement and support for our family.

"Our prayer is for that everyone who reads the words on our site may be encouraged, uplifted, amused, informed, and delighted all to the Glory of God who made us, with no mistakes! It is only by His grace that we all get up every day, face the challenges that come with pride, and live as a steward of His love to the rest of the world. For our success is not in what we accomplish throughout our lives but how we go about our lives being thankful for everything we are given and teaching others to praise amidst whatever circumstances may present."

(Now, that's a hard one to live by, especially considering what has transpired with our family since then. But still very true. We are doing our best to believe that there was no mistake and to keep praising in the midst of these very emotional times.)

I have decided to continue the initial purpose of this blog by telling more of Megan's story in an effort to encourage those going through similar journeys.

I almost....

2010-06-25T13:00:00.003-04:00

decided to delete this blog. I have had a MAJOR case of blogger's block. I could think of things to say. But when I started typing - I didn't like how I did it, the words I used, my thoughts about the topic, etc. So, I never saved or published them.

I almost let my internal negative self-talk beat me down into thinking, "why bother?" anymore. The point in the beginning was to journal our life with a special needs child. But, what happened was, that life ended. Our daily lives look nothing like they did before.

Instead of deleting this blog - I started doing some reading. I got a grasp on thinking things through rationally. I learned a way of planning which direction I want to go.

Initially, I wanted to help others through my experiences when I started this blog. And, because I was just posting with my instincts and not really planning the direction I was headed, I stalled when I internally told myself that having this blog didn't make sense anymore - especially when I started reading through my blog. I hadn't read many of the posts since I published them.

I am trying to shut that thinking down. It has been a huge process for me. I have had a lot of thoughts while I have been working lately, trying to make sense of applying the information I learned to who I am and how I want to portray living a "special needs life". I am still planning and trying to make sense of everything going on in my head so that it comes out coherently.

I still want this to be a place to celebrate the special lives that have touched us, to find resources for living, and keep hoping for our future.

Take me out...

2010-06-19T20:46:00.006-04:00

to the ball game.

Take me out with the crowd.

Buy me some peanuts

and cracker jacks.

Monica didn't care if she ever got back, but I caught her root, root, rooting for the Cubbies! (between her bites of this)

If they didn't win, it (our view) would be a shame.

But it was 1, 2, 3 strikes they were out

- at this great ball game YEAAAA!!!!!

We're here today! YAY!!!!!

2010-06-17T06:16:00.000-04:00

We are so excited - except for Monica, but she doesn't know just how fun it is going to be!

We are praying for a nice day to sit at the ball park and enjoy the company of thousands of people all hoping for the same outcome!

I'll let you all know how much fun it really was tomorrow!

I'm still here...

2010-06-04T18:53:00.003-04:00

I have planned a dozen posts in the last two weeks.
None of them were ever photographed, edited, or typed out.
I am tiring of posting about loss.
I want to seem upbeat and not a downer.
My posts keep getting mixed between up and down and I'm worried about seeming bipolar.
I have information about living with special needs and how we did it.
I don't want others to think I don't know what I'm talking about because I don't have a special needs child anymore.
We are supposed to be normal now.
We do everything like we're supposed to now.
I don't always pick the "way of the ramp" anymore.
I look like the mom of a 9 year old child.
But, I don't feel like a normal mom of just one child - because I'm not.

Happy Birthday, Monica!

2010-05-22T08:50:00.003-04:00

Last year, her birthday was on the Friday Field day at school and she had strawberry ice cream for breakfast. This year, we are going out to breakfast, taking her to a couple of shops to pick her presents out, and just relaxing.

Monica is 9 years old today!

This picture is from her 4th birthday! She is growing and changing so much. She has been through a lot this year and in her little life. And, for the most part, is a very joyful and loving kid. I love you, Girlie!

Sunday mornings..

2010-05-16T14:32:00.002-04:00

have been really difficult for me since Megan went to Heaven. It's hard to get yourself psyched up to go and participate at a place where people are talking, laughing, and singing praises to God. I haven't been in a place emotionally to deal with all of the lyrics that some of the choruses have. Sometimes I mouth the words. Sometimes I try to sing with that huge lump in my throat. Sometimes I just stand there and listen and I can't fight that huge lump. Tears just come on their own.

I don't have a doom and gloom feeling. I know that Megan is safe. I know that I will see her again. I am just overwhelmed by a stream of emotions. Of course I am not going to deny sorrow over the obvious separation we temporarily have. But, I am thankful that Megan is in safe keeping, that we have accepted the free gift that God has given us, that one day we will all be together again, and we will be able to see what our girl looks like in perfect condition and how differently we will be able to interact with her than when we were together here on earth.

Each Sunday, as I contemplate what all this means and at least listen to the lyrics, I have felt guilty. I don't want other people to think that I don't have hope for the future - because I do. I get through most of the week at home sidestepping the landmines that I know about (mostly). But, when I get in the presence of Jesus - I don't feel like crying, "Holy, Holy, Holy!" I just feel like crying. Some Sundays, I have contemplated not going to church because of it.

Then, a couple weeks ago, I heard this song and felt comforted. God does want to know how we feel. It's ok for me to have those feelings. One day, I will feel like crying, "Holy, Holy, Holy!" again. Until then, I hope this song speaks the voice of Jesus telling me He understands.

Busy, Busy

2010-05-14T10:39:00.002-04:00

Today I am...

1. getting ready for a garage sale. I said there's a lot more where this came from!
2. reading in blogland.
3. doing some laundry.
4. planning for next week's flea market stuff.
5. trying to my house looking decent even though I am getting a ton of stuff out for the yard sale.
6. running some errands.
7. finding so many grocery sacks. I could probably help about 5 yard sales out with those - they are multiplying like rabbits X 10!!!
8. trying to make sense of myself. I have all these activities going and can't focus on any one thing for any amount of time.
9. wishing I could just figure out how to do one thing, finish it, and move to another before starting something new.
10. trying to make the most of the time I have with my family!

Flea Market

2010-05-10T16:24:00.005-04:00

My husband is accompanying me at the Flea Market (about an hour from home) on Tuesdays and Wednesdays this year. This is my fourth year participating as a vendor at the Flea Market and I have always sat in my booth alone, with the exception for one long 4th of July holiday a couple of years ago.

We are staying in my parents' trailer at a nearby campground. We are getting 2 days/evenings each week of alone time this month. Last week was the first time that we have had any alone time like that since we became parents.

We are beginning to make plans for our "alone activities" (other than the obvious) during the part of the week that we are at home. It is something nice we are looking forward to. Although we both miss Monica and she says she doesn't like being without us those two days, it is something Ken and I have needed for a long time! When you have a stressful medical schedule to follow, you just focus on getting done what needs to be done and then crashing at the end of the day (if its your turn). That doesn't leave much time to just be together and enjoy the company.

Now, we have the chance to learn new things about how we are different and remember what we liked about one another in the beginning. It's something to be thankful for in the midst of trying to find our way as our lives change.

I'm overwhelmed...

2010-05-08T11:31:00.003-04:00

...by the thoughts in my head.
...by the fact that I have gone so long without thinking of something to say.
...by the number of times I have to tell myself, "Just pick something and start!"
...by the clothes on the overflowing closets, drawers, and laundry room.
...by the toys and stuff strewn about the house.
...by the number of boxes in the basement that need dealt with.
...by the lists of things to do running in my brain keeps playing over and over, adding new items each time I run through it.
...by the number of choices I have each day.
...by the thought of not getting my "get up and go" moving.
...by the number of holidays there are throughout the year.
...by the sight of so many of Megan's things around.
...by the thought of needing to do something with those things that differ from the reason we got them in the first place.
...by the number of things I am asked to do each day by my family members.
...by the fact that I have let so many things just lie for so long that now I don't remember what I was doing with them.
...by the number of verses there are in the Bible.
...by my girl's homework.
...by my dog's need for love and affection.
...by the fact that this list is no where near exhaustive and has no sense of order.
...by the number of things I must do each day for my business.
...by the amount of time I have to do those tasks in.
...by the number of minutes to the day.
...by the number of days it has been since I last felt like myself.

Thoughts

2010-04-29T09:15:00.003-04:00

It's hard on the days when Monica is at school and Ken is at work all day.
I am here. alone. with my thoughts.

I don't like noise though.
I want it quiet.
I don't even turn the TV on anymore.

It is especially hard when I don't want to get up.
I have to get up and make someone else (who doesn't want to get up) get up.
Then, we have to fight ourselves and each other to get where we need to go for the day.

I am so looking forward to not having to do that anymore very soon.
Summer is my favorite season.
It's nice out.
This year we get to go places and do things we didn't always get to do.

I have found myself thinking, "Wow! Megan would have really loved this!"
And, then I think, "Wait a minute. No, she didn't! She couldn't when she was here."

I thought I had already mourned the fact that she wasn't a normal child.
But, I find myself mourning it all over again, now that she's gone.

Blogmania is Friday, April 30th!

2010-04-28T08:03:00.003-04:00

Blogmania is over 100 blogs giving away hundreds of gifts...ONE DAY ONLY...April 30th - BLOGMANIA DAY!

I found it through this blog:

There will be links on each participating blog to lead you to the rest of them. All the blogs are giving away packages of prizes, not just a single prize. If I enter 100 giveaways on the same day, I wonder what the odds of winning one of them is? I guess I will find out on Friday and Saturday!

Tomorrow night, get plenty of rest. Get up early Friday, and CLICK, CLICK, CLICK your way to 'Loot Scoopin Mania!' I know I am!

Worthy of the Prize - Giveaway @ Cap Creations

2010-04-25T07:48:00.004-04:00

There's a neat giveaway going on this week at my friend, Cap Creations, blog. The goal at Worthy of the Prize is to encourage people to stay spiritually fit while they are keeping themselves physically fit. They have great key fobs that can be used as a key chain or to keep your fit cards together. There are three types of fit cards: memory cards, devotional cards, and prayer cards. There are 31 cards in each set - one for each day of the month. The giveaway is being listed until next Sunday, May 2nd.

Junk Out! 2010

2010-04-24T10:13:00.008-04:00

This blog carnival is hosted by An Ordinary Mom.

I mentioned last week that, previously, just getting through life was the focus of our household and that we didn't even have the time/energy to look around and notice things that were minor but not the way we wanted for our home.

I also mentioned that one of the things that bothers me the most is the fact that, as a result, my 8-year-old daughter (Monica) doesn't know much about the process of de-cluttering, cleaning, and "earning her keep," LOL!

Since we are working on de-cluttering and cleaning, it would be a shame to let it get back to the way it was, right? I have found a tool that helps parents and children make an agreement about jobs the child is to perform, assigning point values to the daily jobs, and then allowing the child to shop in a reward store once they have earned enough points.

My Job Chart is a FREE interactive, online version of the traditional charts we have made in the past where the child has the chores listed, you mark off the job in some way (stickers, initials, etc.), and at the end of the week they get an allowance or something else.

This online chore chart system has a separate log-in for the parents and the child(ren). The parents are guided through the process of assigning jobs, printing a copy of the completed chore chart with each child's picture (if desired), assigning point values for each job, creating rewards with the number of points the reward costs, and sending messages of encouragement (or otherwise, if necessary) that the child will see when they log in to their account.

My Job Chart even gives good suggestions for jobs that can be assigned as well as rewards that are not necessarily monetary goods. Parents can also make up their own jobs and rewards if they don't see what they want already listed and even upload pictures of the jobs/rewards to encourage the child. My Job Chart can also send parents e-mails saying the child has either finished a job or earned a specific reward.

When the child logs in to their specific account (siblings are not able to access each other's account), the first tab lists each job they are to do and separates them according to the time of day they are to be completed (morning or evening). The next tab shows a list of "extra credit" jobs that the child can do if they want - or are trying to get points for a really big reward. The third tab shows the reward store that has pictures of the rewards and how many points they cost.

This video shows what the child's account looks like.

It only took me about 30 minutes to create an account, select basic jobs that I want Monica to start with, assign their point values, and give her a choice of 5 different rewards to choose from. It was really easy. And, yes, she was actually interested in what we are agreeing to do.

One of the bonuses to this online system is the fact that Monica enjoys computer time and feels like she has somewhere to privately work on her progress rather than look at a poster on the fridge, where anyone can see what she has or hasn't done.

This week will be our first full week implementing this system. I'll tell you if it was effective for us in next week's post. You can sign up here if you want to try My Job Chart to help you and your child(ren) focus on keeping your home de-cluttered and clean so that you can enjoy it more.

5 Question Friday!

2010-04-23T10:12:00.003-04:00

This is a weekly link up from Mama M. She provides the questions. We provide the answers and link to her blog so we can see everyone else's answers too! Here goes...

1. What was the first car you owned? I owned a 1983 4 door, Chevrolet Chevette Scooter (with racing stripes). It wasn't the coolest car but it was a 5-speed stick and only cost me $600.

2. What song are you embarrassed to know the lyrics to? Way too many Hannah Montana songs. My, ahem, DAUGHTER is a huge fan :)

3. Have you ever had stitches? Yes, when my children were born.

4. What was your first job? I worked at a walk-up ice cream stand for a couple of months one summer before moving to my restaurant job in high school.

5. Who is your favorite Sesame Street character? Ummm, Big Bird. He is big and yellow (Meg's favorite color) and is always cheering someone up.

Isn't She Lovely?

2010-04-20T19:40:00.008-04:00

At first, Monica was embarrassed when she found out I used her picture with my doll carriers.

The second time she modeled for me, she knew what it was for and wanted to see herself on my website.

Today, she basked in the glow of the sunlight and gave me some fun poses.

And, no, the doll never fell out! I know, A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

To think that there has only been about a year and a half since the first photo is almost unbelievable. She has changed so much!

P.S. Wow, I took these myself. All I did was move the photo session outside!
Oh yeah, I forgot. I have to pay her now too!
It cost a new pair of sunglasses!
This post was inspired by:

Ramblings

2010-04-20T12:09:00.006-04:00

I am working on an upcoming post detailing what I am doing to help my 8 year old help us around the house instead of trying to pick up faster than she can dish out.

I just finished a tutorial for my other blog about baby doll bibs. You can see it here. It's amazing how long it takes to describe in each little detail about something that is really so simple.

I am sewing my most current doll carrier fabrics today in hopes of getting Monica's help for my photo shoot so I can freshen up the home page of my website and get better shots of some other stuff. The lighting is so better outside and makes the pictures so much more lovely. And, it is a decent temperature today - 62 is better than 32 any day!

I am making something for a friend of mine and I hope to get it mailed to her by the end of the week. Just a small token of appreciation.

I am making new friends and enjoying their company.

I have found so many awesome ideas lately, I can't pick the one I want to try next.

I need to finish some projects I started. Many of them are half-way done. They shouldn't take long to finish, right? I just hope I can remember what it was they were supposed to be, LOL!

Then, I have to sort out the new stuff I get in the mail every day so I can get it all in my van when the Flea Market starts in a couple of weeks. Wowsers! May is almost here already!

Junk Out! 2010

2010-04-17T14:11:00.004-04:00

The Junk Out 2010 blog carnival was started by An Ordinary Mom.

I started participating in January knowing it sounded kind of like a New Year's Resolution kind of activity (which I am not good at) but wanted to make my life better anyway. I knew it was an area of my life I needed to work on.

I had been so pre-occupied by other issues the last few years that I didn't even care about the clutter and chaos around me. I didn't even see it anymore. It wasn't what I was focused on or even had the energy to want to try.

I have more walls, cabinets, and drawers that have been written on than I care to count. (My girl called them murals, and I started to believe it.)

I have more household supplies than I know what to do with because every time I can't find something, I go buy it again.

I have found gum stuck to more surfaces than I realized (and I couldn't believe it when I found it and then wondered, "How long has that been there?").

I have a basement that has become a "catch all" for stuff I don't want to deal with because there is room for it there and I don't have to look at it in the main part of the house.

I have more "Glad Ware" containers down there than I can fit into my cupboards. I put them in a sack every time the cupboard got full. (On the bright side, I now have enough to start my 30 day freezer cooking supply!)

My garage was full of the larger stuff that I couldn't manage - until last week, that is! I can't even show you the picture of the swing set I had in there that someone just came up and asked for when we put it outside to organize. They even hauled it away themselves - YES!!!

I have looked up the FlyLady's website before and cleaned the sink - but didn't have the energy to keep moving afterwards.

I also haven't had the time/energy to try to teach my 8 year old to do things to help because it was just quicker for me to do it first than show her and then help her fix what she didn't do right.

This last problem is the one that bothers me the most. Now, I do have more time to try to help my daughter learn some things that will help her be a more responsible person. I have a couple of options that I am considering to aid me in achieving this task. I am going to post about them very soon!

We are out at the campground relaxing today!

This video...

2010-04-15T11:42:00.001-04:00

was taken exactly one year ago today!

It makes my heart sing and break at the same time.

I did what you told me, Mom!

2010-04-15T08:50:00.003-04:00

She said it with a straight face just like this.

And then she added, "It's just that today is opposite day and you forgot when you gave me the instructions!"

I said to her, "Oh, my bad!" Luckily, it wasn't about anything important.

Do you remember the phases you went through as a child before or after your child brings it to you like it's a brand new thing?

Do you vote?

2010-04-14T14:06:00.003-04:00

I used to vote ~~religiously~~ every week. I would call the numbers of the contestants I wanted to continue on in the competition. Then I could vote many times and not just for my favorite. Our family would single out the contestant who NEEDED TO GO HOME and voted for the rest.

Then last spring Megan was in the hospital a lot and I didn't even remember it was Tuesday often enough to watch and know which numbers to call because I was busy with her and not focused on the television - I am glad about that now!

During one of the last episodes in May 2009, I found something out. I was talking to my husband on Twitter during the results show and saw that a few of the contestants names were trending topics.

I checked out each name and found out that a couple of the contestants were being picked apart and another couple were being praised. I told the lady in the Ronald McDonald House that was also watching the show, "These two contestants are going home tonight according to Twitter!" We kept watching and watching. And, Twitter was right.

I knew from then on that if I wanted it to be a surprise, I would no longer be able to tweet on Wednesdays. It didn't change my world though.

But now, it is another season and I have yet to call in a vote. Sure, I am interested. I am not sure I like the idea of the "save" though. I wonder who the two contestants going home tonight are. No, I haven't checked Twitter either. I am just waiting because I know the results aren't going to change my world.

My world has already been changed in the last year. I don't want to tweet anymore. And, it really doesn't matter to me who stays and who goes home this time. Of course, I am still going to watch tonight just to see what happens.

My girl with her new girl

2010-04-13T16:02:00.004-04:00

Don't they look alike?

Junk Out 2010 - a day in which we SOLD!

2010-04-10T18:43:00.009-04:00

I have been piling a few things up in my basement since I started this Junk Out 2010! weekly link party by An Ordinary Mom.

See the "Give, Sell, Toss!" definition in the graphic? That is exactly what we did today. I have been tossing as I come across something that is obviously trash in the main rooms of the house as I work. I have also been piling up a few things, like I mentioned, in my basement. And, my Mom has been sorting through many things in her house that used to belong to my Granny.

We decided to hold a garage/yard sale at the end of Spring Break to catch the beginning of the sale-ing season knowing we will probably be holding more than one this year. She got her stuff together, I got my stuff together, and we got a few items pitched in from other extended family members. It was also the perfect weather for being outside - a sunny 70 degrees with white fluffy clouds. It looked much like this, thank you, Jesus, I really needed that!

Here is what our sale looked like this morning.
Pictures from Granny's house.

My Granny's trinkets that gave birth to more trinkets.

Desks, side tables, and wine racks.

Beds and kidlet toys.

My OLD dining set.

No estate-type sale would be complete without one of these crocheted chair cushions now would it?

And, here is what our sale looked like around 2pm this afternoon. (Notice the crocheted chair cushion still looking for a home.)

Along the way, as I was bringing out the many pictures that my Granny had put in boxes when she moved into my Mom's house, I found this gem.

About 15 years ago my Granny went through this phase where she was labeling everything in her home to go to people she wanted to have her things. See the tag at the top of that frame? Anyone want to guess who this cutie pie 4 year old is? Yeah, I brought it home - along with some other family pictures that I will show in a separate post.

My Mom made some $$$, I made some $$$, we only had this much to take to the giving center,

and we all went out for dinner! It was a busy, productive, and fun-filled day.

We are already scheduling our next venture for a Saturday in May. We both still have plenty more where this all came from, especially if we are going to cash in again, WOWSERS!

We have a winner!

2010-04-10T18:31:00.005-04:00

OK - I said that this would be announced sometime today. I had no idea that our day would be so busy and I wouldn't get to it tonight. Anyway, here goes!

I added the extra 2 comments for Kristine and Charity (who entered this giveaway on the last post) to the end of the comments to make #12 & #13. Then out of comments 1-13, the random.org widget picked comment #3.
Congratulations to Krista@thegatheringplacedesign. She is our bangle watch with matching cell phone case give away winner! E-mail your address to the link on the left sidebar, and I will get your prize to you ASAP! You're gonna love one of these!

More giveaway posts are also in the near future for everyone who wants another chance at winning something soon!

Now I gotta write my Junk Out! post so I can link up in a timely fashion!

Having Fun on Friday!

2010-04-09T11:56:00.003-04:00

OK, I guess I was just too vague about my giveaway. So, for all of you out there I am going to make it easier on you.

One lucky winner is going to win one of these awesome Suisse watches by Quartz accompanied by a fabulous matching cell phone carrier that can be clipped to your purse handle or threaded through your belt!

The watches are bangle bracelets and sooo easy to put on - no buckle or clasp to mess with.

Jennifer of Simply Yours boutique says, "They are very comfortable and stylish!"

They come in so many jewel colors and styles.

Please don't let my unprofessional pictures turn you away. I did my best!

They are a perfect gift for your teenager who needs to know what time it is when they are out!

Or, a great Mother's Day gift!

I got them to take to the Flea Market this summer.

But, they are so cool - I just had give everyone a peek.

The Flea Market isn't until May!

So, what is your favorite color?

All you have to do is leave me a comment on this post. The winner will be announced sometime tomorrow (Saturday). You have until then to enter.

I will be listing them soon on my website. I will announce on my facebook page when they are listed bright and early Monday morning! Become a fan and you'll be the first to know!

Note: Charity and Kristine you will be given an additional entry since you already did on the last post - when you didn't know how cool this giveaway was!

You have a new BFF...

2010-04-07T19:50:00.006-04:00

I love getting messages. I got a "cool phone" about a year ago and I LOVE! IT! It tells me everything I need to know plus even more stuff that I didn't even know I wanted to know - but now I do!

For example, I learned how to text. **Should I be proud of myself for this accomplishment or not? Let me know in the comments.** This phone made it so much simpler to do. And, it has a keyboard, which means I don't have to know how many times to push each number for my desired letter. (How texting caught on with those dinosaurs, I'll never know!)

Secondly, my "cool phone" has the internet and subsequently an e-mail account linked to it. I needed this phone because I am a business woman. I need to know when someone from my website asks me a question or orders something, right? If I am out buying groceries then I can still reply and it makes it look like I am at work all day long, right? And, if I get an order then I know that I have to schedule a trip to the post office as well. Those actions in and of themselves are great reasons to get a "cool phone."

I also found out that I could forward many alerts to be sent to my phone's e-mail address. Like when someone works on my farm in Farm Town or someone leaves me a tip in Cafe World or when someone comments on one of my blogs (Yes, I have two of them).
**Free gift to the person who finds and tells me where my other blog is.**

And, even more importantly, when I get a new BFF. You see, these people at the Blog Frog (They help people with blogs and common interests link up with each other) came up with this genius idea. Not only can you follow someone's blog, their Twitter, or be their friend or fan on Facebook, you can now also follow other people's profiles on, you guessed, the Blog Frog.

I didn't think much of it at first when I got the notice a few weeks ago. I have been kind of busy with family and trying to make something of my business. But then I started getting these phone notifications that show the subject line of the message being sent. These e-mails from the Blog Frog say, ".....is now your BFF." "....is now your BFF." ".....is now your BFF." Get the idea yet? Yes, I realize that when I read the detailed message that these people are now just my "Blog Frog Friend," but it kind of makes a girl feel good. I think I'll look at one of those messages again - because I just got another alert.

Yea! I have a new BFF!

And now, all you lovely BFF's can see who my other BFF's are on my left sidebar when they read my blog. If I get enough I might start a community. What do ya'll think?

Note: No, I was not paid by anyone to write this meager advertisement. But, if either T-Mobile or the Blog Frog wants to pay me - who am I to turn you away? And, Yes, this really is a giveaway post. Better look through this post again to find out all the questions you have to answer to win. You have until Friday night. Because I am going to post the winner on Saturday morning with my Junk Out! post. It could be you!

Monica and I

2010-04-05T13:34:00.002-04:00

We can't wait to do more things like this soon!

Summer is almost here and we are just chomping at the bit to get out this year!

Junk Out 2010

2010-04-04T19:41:00.004-04:00

This blog carnival is sponsored by Ali at An Ordinary Mom. Junk Out 2010 is a pledge to get organized and either give, sell, or toss items that are no longer helpful to you in the process.

A day late...and...sort of...a dollar short.

But, better late than never, right?

I have been working on getting the junk managed and/or out of the house. I have cleaned my bedroom, private bathroom, the back porch next to my kitchen, and kept my "mail boxes" - and by that I mean "boxes of mail" down to one tiny crate. (That one may not seem light a big thing, but I had like 4 good size boxes filled with mail and paperwork to be completed at one time.)

I am working on the pictures still and will post them soon. We are also planning a yard sale next weekend. I'll post about it next week as well. I just wanted my friend to know today that I am still working on my junk too.

Yesterday, we went to Chicago to kick off our Spring Break! Thus, the reason for the dollar short today. Actually, it's more than a dollar - but that's not really important, right?

A post about our trip is also upcoming.

Monica

2010-03-31T18:24:00.000-04:00

...the beautiful!

Waiting and dreaming...

2010-03-30T19:09:00.004-04:00

We are remembering the time we were there as we wait for the fun to begin tonight!

We saw the glorious stage.

We were entertained before the show began.

We listened to the singers give their all.

We listened to the judges critique the singers.

We got to vote by selecting the number on our seat's armrest.

It was so much fun at Hollywood Studios (Orlando, FL).
We are so wishing we were still there!!!

My girls

2010-03-27T17:47:00.002-04:00

...loving each other. (Pooh was just wishing he could be in the action.)

Foreshadowing

2010-03-22T14:09:00.006-04:00

Something was off and I thought it was just my attitude. I wasn't hungry and couldn't decide on something to eat. Nothing sounded good and the nibbles I had of a few things didn't taste well. So I went to the cupboard and found my cup of noodles, which came with a flashback. I remembered how those little cups of noodles have always helped me, most recently when I couldn't eat anything heavy - or I was afraid that I was going to see what I ate again in an unfriendly way. Nevertheless, I was happy and they helped me.(Just check out my crazy last post. It was actually a cover for a giveaway - but no one jumped at the bit. Aren't you sad you never commented now?)

Then, Saturday I was more tired than usual despite having the best night's sleep in a long time. Yesterday my throat was really scratchy and yucky. I almost used it as a reason not to go to church. I pushed myself through though and survived. Later in the evening, my sinuses felt different and I had that dripping feeling. In the middle of the night I was gasping for something to drink because my mouth was so dry. Yes, I was mouth breathing out of necessity because my nose was so stuffy and I had shoved Kleenexes into my nostrils because they were still dripping and I just wanted to get some sleep. (Ok, it was toilet paper. I used up all the Kleenexes last week using them as toilet paper. When will I be normal again?) Anyway, when it was almost morning I finally woke up enough to realize I had to do something. I got out the nasal spray. It helped me sleep the rest of the night.

I had a lot of gumption to get up and complete some things that I wanted to do today. Monica has school and Ken is working. The last couple of days I have been alone like that have been a huge struggle for me and I wanted to conquer that emotional struggle today. I got my stuff out, had a great photo shoot, (I hope) and then my body said, "I'm done!" I was going to take a nap. But, I can't sleep. When I lay down, I can't breathe. I can't even smell the Vapor Plug that is in the outlet right next to me. I am still not really hungry but know that if I don't have something to eat that I will be even worse. So, when I go get Monica from school I am going to get me some more of that fabulous noodle soup for dinner.

I hope I have the energy to get up, edit, and post those photos this evening and am able to send out the newsletters that my customers are dying to get that they don't know about yet. You know, because it's almost Easter - and those little girls need stuff for their dolls, right?

Ode to...

2010-03-20T19:30:00.006-04:00

Cup Noodles!
You are often tossed, trampled, and teased.
You are mistreated beyond belief.
Yet you perform a valuable service to those in need.
You are your own container and are quick and easy to prepare.
You are silly, slinky, slimy, and salty.
You are a food and a drink all together.
You are inexpensive, yet so valuable.
You are my physical sustenance when nothing else can be.
You are one of my best friends in my time of need.

5 Question Friday

2010-03-19T16:25:00.009-04:00

Mama M. has this blog hop every Friday and friends from the blogosphere help her come up with questions. I haven't posted before mostly because at least one of the questions makes you admit or 'fess up to any childhood secrets. ~~My parents read my blog religiously.~~ Today's questions seemed harmless along those fronts, and I have been staring at my computer screen for a very long time today. So, here goes...

Questions for Friday 3/19/10
1. Have you ever had a celeb sighting?
Only if you count spotting the local news media around town. We sighted several of them at Ponderosa one night and a very close family member of mine made everyone at the table go by their table just to confirm her suspicion. (I have been to a few concerts but that isn't technically a Plain Jane, out about the town sighting.)

2. What temperature do you keep your house?
We keep our house at 70 degrees. It used to be 72-73, but our need for that temperature lessened this fall. We keep extra layers and blankets handy if we feel a chill. My husband and I agree on the thermostat most of the time.

3. Do you notice dust at other peoples homes?
Not unless it is caked up or someone writes in it. I might think that they need to dust. But am I going to say it to their face? Heck no! I don't like to dust either. We try to keep a "clean for company" policy though. And, no, extended family is not the "company is coming" standards, unless you bring a toddler. Then, I wipe all my tables clean and cross my fingers they don't find something on their own.

4. What's the worst job you ever had?
The worst job I have had was bathroom duty at the toll road plaza I used to work for. It is amazing the messes that are made. EEEEEW!

5. What is your most sentimental possession?
My most sentimental possessions are this picture of my Megan, the ring that I wear in honor of her, the teeth that she lost, a clip of her hair, pictures of her sleeping, and the plaster molds we have of her hand and foot.

Internal battle

2010-03-12T21:31:00.003-05:00

I have this battle waging in my mind lately. I know that I need to get up and go each morning, assist my husband, help my daughter to school, and work each day to serve my family and those around me. I know all this. These "tasks" keep me going. They give me direction for my attention.

I have found in the last week or so, as I go about my daily tasks that my mind knows these things, but my body does not. It feels like my body is dragging along as my mind steers it into the activities I need to finish. The last couple of days, I hear the cognitive messages my body is sending out. "I want to quit doing this." "This takes too long." I will never finish in the set time I have set apart." "I am going to disappoint."

And then, I hear my mind saying, "Just keep going." "I can't just sit out." "What I am doing really does matter." "Things have a way of working for the good if I can just finish." "I can rest later."

Several times during the day I find myself with variations of this same conversation playing in my mind. As I type this, the thought of playing music, the TV, or any type of noise is probably needed. Obviously, the sweet humming of my sewing machine is not doing the trick of keeping my mind at ease. But I digress.

I have had this battle waging for such a long time that I am getting a firmer grasp on one of the most confusing passages in the Bible, as I was memorizing it for childhood quizzing anyway. That was essentially the problem though. I was memorizing the words as they appeared on the page in order to answer questions regarding the content. It was fun to learn at the time. It is virtually a tongue twister, if you will.

Romans 7:14-25

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

My current life circumstances have brought me closer to literally feeling what is being portrayed in this passage. I know what I am supposed to do. But, I am not always going to be perfect. Some days my body will win this war that is waging in my mind. I will fail. The point is that I get up and keep trying to steer my body in the right direction it should go. God will help me as long as I seek His help. I have to keep asking. Thanks be to God who is able to keep carrying me!

Memorial...Part II

2010-03-04T11:19:00.004-05:00

Wednesday morning we had an appointment at the CP Clinic. It is the clinic Megan had a regular appointment with every six months. We could see all her doctors there in one visit. It took all day - but we fit it all in one trip. We called last week knowing the memorial service was on Tuesday night (the evening before CP Clinic every Wednesday). We got a shipment of Megan's formula, Peptamen Jr., just before we went into the hospital in late August. We really only needed the extension tubings for her GJ-tube that time we placed our order but the medical supply provider said they had to ship the entire monthly order at once and not just the extensions. So, we accepted the shipment to get the extensions.

We took these 10 cases (that's 240 cans) of the Peptamen Jr. to the clinic so that they could give it to families who needed it before it expired. After all, it was almost two months worth of a co-pay that someone else might not have to shell out to feed their child. We felt good as we packed up the little red wagon and rolled it back through the clinic door. A mother making her next appointment at the desk said, "Wow! They don't need all that anymore? Their child must be eating now." I tried to ignore it but just said, "Not exactly" and kept walking to our destination. The lady thanked us and said they would give it to people who could use it. I sincerely hope they do. This was the first complete item of Megan's that we have given away as of yet.

We decided to get breakfast in the cafeteria before going to the Pulmonary Unit to see if any of our 4 fabulous nurses were available for a hug. We got some last pictures of Monica with Ronald.

As we were sitting there eating our breakfast the first thing I noticed was this sign that things were going to change at the hospital.

If I hadn't been there I wouldn't have known that all the phone numbers were changing. It's a sign of life still moving forward there. Everything was not as we left it the morning of October 2, 2009.

I was going to be OK until Monica looked at me and said, "Look, Mom, there's a girl like May May." I looked up and sure enough there were two little girls sitting in their wheelchairs there eating breakfast with their mothers. I made it all the way to Indianapolis, to the Memorial service, through the service, even talking afterward, all night at the hotel, and still through the CP clinic visit. But when Monica said that to me, I lost my composure. I just sat there and said, "You're right" as the tears came and I couldn't help it.

I missed Megan more in that moment than I ever have I think. I wanted her to be sitting in her wheelchair there beside us like she had been so many times. The permanence came over me. We would never have a reason to return to Riley and need to update the phone numbers in our cell phones to the new extensions.

I collected myself as much as I could and we went to see if we could find our nurses. We saw one of them and hugged her. I cried there too. Then, we took Monica to see the child life specialists that worked with her. We found two of them and she got hugs. They also gave her an art project - they're so good at that. It's what they do.

Then, we got in the van and started the trip home. The trip home was very quiet. The conversation was sparse between us. I had to call Monica's name to get her to answer a couple of times to make sure she was still back there. She was - no worries.

We drove by Granny's grave site as we passed through Kokomo. Once we got back to town we stopped to see Megan's grave site since it was also on the way home. We sat in the circle and looked at all her decorations. There was still snow. The snow in Kokomo has melted already. The footprints from our last visit were still visible but fading.

As we drove out of the back of the cemetery alongside the shed, we noticed the presence of something that seemed more permanent than the absence we have been feeling and the black ink marks on the pages that still loomed in our past. We had been waiting on it all winter and anticipating its arrival. We wanted it and were excited to see it, but the sight of it took our breath away.

Memorial

2010-03-03T19:06:00.005-05:00

Tuesday evening was the Riley Hospital memorial service for children who died there between July and December 2009. We drove down as a family and took along the memory book that my sister made for us in September while we were living at Riley with Megan. When we got to the service we were signed in and given a memorial booklet. It showed the order of service, the shared reading passages, a couple of prayers -- and 83 precious names.

They invited us to decorate a square in honor of Megan. They posted them on the front wall together so that we could remember those that came to honor their children that night.

This picture shows what Meg's quilt squares looked like.

They welcomed everyone.
We had a shared reading passage.
They read a passage from Psalm 139.
There was a special reading for children from an adaptation of Ecclesiastes where there is a time for all types of feelings that may be felt throughout their lifetimes.

They read the names of all the children in the program while a soothing harp played. Meggie's name was 12th, alphabetically. They also added an 84th name throughout the reading. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that it felt like a graduation ceremony. But no one was cheering. I didn't want to cheer. It's the type of event where you don't want your child's name to be read but it's coming anyway. You wonder how it will sound when its your turn. How it will feel to hear your child's name. If they will wait long enough between names. Or, if the silence will seem too long between names. There were many tear-filled eyes in the room.

Then, they called the parents forward into a circle around the front table. They shared a poem and lit the four candles which represented the light our children were in our lives and that they will continue to be present in our lives even though they are no longer physically with us. Then, they presented all of us with a carnation as we went back to our seats.

After that, the service was concluded with a short reading and we were invited to have some refreshments and to share our pictures with others and mingle. We showed a couple of people our memory book of Megan and looked at pictures of other children.

We also spoke to the parents of the girl that passed away just a few rooms away from us in September. Monica played with the 22 year old girl in the play room the first week of September. The girl was discharged by the end of the week. We congratulated her for getting to go home. The parents thanked us for raising a daughter that looked beyond disabilities and treated their daughter normally. (Monica doesn't care if the person is big, little, deformed, have tubes in their arms, legs, nose, etc. If they are able to play with her, she would play with them.) About 10 days later the girl came back into the hospital. Two days after that, she was in heaven. I didn't know the exact date until I asked last night. It was 9 days before Megan left us. They thanked us for the discussions we had with them in September. They said the way we were making decisions for Megan helped them make the right decisions for their daughter.

In retrospect, it seems amazing how being available while traveling through situations can affect the lives of others around us just before they will be making similar decisions. God's preparations and timing are perfect even when it seems long and pointless at the time everything transpires.

After that, we went to our hotel for the night. We stayed in Indianapolis because we had a mission for the next morning.

To be continued...

P.S. - Sorry I said "Then," so many times!

My latest project

2010-02-26T14:15:00.005-05:00

This is the first of five bags I am working on for a wedding party.

Of course, they will have different initials in them.

This mega bag measures 18 inches wide, 15 inches tall, and 9 inches deep. There is a slip pocket with a magnetic closure on one outside as well as a large zippered pocket on the inside.

Oh, and the straps are adjustable also. There are two straps because you could pack the mother load of goodies in here. Well, as long as you can carry that much.

Better get going

2010-02-25T17:10:00.003-05:00

Ok, so my friend started a blog this week and has already published more posts than me in the entire month of February. I wonder if she's trying to show me up?

Last night, I helped my mother start her new blog. I will be going to work on her template soon. But, I thought I'd better write something on my blog before she shows me up too.

They've been inspired into the blogosphere, by me? Even though I don't feel very inspiring or uplifting, people seem to think so. I am just a girl trying to get up every day and get through it. If I feel like saying something, I do. Sometimes its fun. Sometimes its boring. Sometimes its depressing (or at least feels like it would be to me). Sometimes it doesn't matter. But, I get it off my chest anyway.

I am so glad others still see the point in coming and visiting. These two fine ladies have now plunged in to give their 2 cents to the world as well. WOW! Congratulations to both of you and I hope the blog world treats you like the queens you are.

Junk Out 2010!

2010-02-20T12:00:00.003-05:00

It's been a few weeks since I posted a Saturday decluttering post. I haven't neglected to work on new parts of my home, but I did neglect to report my doings. I took some pictures, but didn't feel like going through them, finding the best ones, editing them, and posting. I was overwhelmed by the thought of it.

This blog carnival was started by Ali of An Ordinary Mom.

I am, by nature, a procrastinator. I seem to ponder the way things should be or about the process of doing something more than I actually jump in and get to work. I have been more excited lately about getting to new projects in my sewing room. My stash has grown considerably and now I am finding myself not being able to choose between so many precious fabrics. My mother said to me the other day, "Just pick something and sew it!" I did and was proud of the result. I don't think I actually chose the wrong fabric to make that outfit with either. (That fear sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? LOL!)

So now, I am just picking some pictures and showing them to you. Picking the less than perfect pictures seem like a better option than picking no pictures at this point.

Here's what I have accomplished in the kitchen.

Clean and non-cluttered counter tops and microwave.

Organized my shelves.

Combed through all the corners in the dining room. It now looks bare. I need to hang some pictures. We have lived here going on four years in March, and I never put any up yet. Looks like I need to before someone else asks me if they can have my pictures - yes, my sister asked me for one of them. It's really been that long since any of our frames have been gazed upon.

Lastly, I have cleaned this table off more times than I care to admit in the process also.

Giveaways around blogland

2010-02-19T08:24:00.005-05:00

Want one of these?

Go here.

Want a gift certificate for something like this?

Go here.

Want something along these lines?

Become a fan here.

Happy blog hunting and weekend to you.

Is Winter Over Yet?

2010-02-16T16:28:00.004-05:00

A kindred spirit friend forwarded this image to me. I don't know the specifics of the origination - although I kind of wish it had originated as my idea. It made me smile even though it is so hard to smile under my circumstances and the fact that winter is, indeed, not over yet.

So, this is when you know that winter is starting to get to people. (Not just me!) I didn't make this - I just identified with it.

What I've been up to lately

2010-02-11T20:36:00.006-05:00

I'm really enjoying my new baby (I linked to that post just so no one ever thinks we are really getting a new baby - we're done with that stage, not that babies aren't blessings). I have lost myself in my sewing room and just worked on getting caught up. I will be officially caught up by the end of the day today so that I can start creating my inventory for the new doll clothes I am designing. I hope I didn't just jinx myself by saying that.

Here is a picture of the purse I finished today.

Here is a picture of the fabric I am making another purse out of also today.

It has glitter in it!

A day's work

2010-02-05T20:27:00.003-05:00

Today, these sisters needed a new wardrobe. Dresses.

Shorts & tops.

Nighties are almost finished. And I get paid to do this. Awesome!

Do you think they like being twins?

Let me introduce you...

2010-02-03T12:43:00.004-05:00

to my new baby.

(And, no, I'm not talking about my diet coke! Look just to the left of that.)

She's new and sleek and a workhorse of a machine. This machine is capable of everything I need to make my purses. My purses were very taxing on my other machine (almost homicidal), and this baby will take the pressure off of that one so it can do the beauty work it was once made to do.

Like I said, this baby is a workhorse. I can sew for hours at one of three different speeds, wind a bobbin separately while I am still sewing, and adjust for the thicknesses of my project at the slightest twist of a knob.

This machine has a commanding reverse and very powerful cutting mechanism (see the scissor button?). That scissor button is so powerful, it made me sit back in my chair, you know, like when you're scared of pulling the trigger on a loaded air power tool?

Yes, Yes, Yes, Everyone! This machine is the equivalent of the Big Truck every man dreams about. And, it's all mine thanks to all my wonderful Christmas sales!!!

I don't know what to say...

2010-02-01T15:04:00.002-05:00

so I haven't said anything.

My life is so different, and I don't know what to do with myself although I know I have a list of things to do written down beside me.

It's harder to move my body to do the things I know I should be doing.

It's quieter here.

I don't want to visit places and see people I haven't seen in a while. I don't want them to ask me how I am. All that comes into my mind to say is that "my daughter died." It sucks and I don't want that to be the first thing that I think about when I'm asked how I am.

It's something I want people to know. But, I don't want to say it out loud, to hear it again and again.

I get so nervous about that question that I start to physically feel sick and shaky, and I can't hold back the tears.

This hurts!

All I did was go to the dentist this morning, and I am a basket case.

Chicago Adventure

2010-01-27T11:13:00.003-05:00

I went to Chicago for last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I went with a girlfriend who has a gift and bridal boutique in Tuscana Park (Simply Yours Boutique) to the Chicago Merchant Mart, for wholesale vendors. My friend was looking for new items to market in her store and I was looking for everything little girl to sell in my online store, trade shows, and flea market.

This trip was especially exciting because I have never gone anywhere by myself (without my family members), ever. I usually have to take my husband and/or children. This time, I left both of those categories of people - at home, except Ken came on Friday evening and brought me home on Saturday.

Anyway, my friend and I shopped all day long on Thursday and Friday for stuff for our stores. Then, Friday night when Ken came, we took a little trip from our marketplace. I LOVE riding the train. You don't have to drive in Chicago and it's also cheaper than paying parking in multiple lots (plus at the market there's $10 parking for buyers).

We took the train here:

I took a picture of their doll display in the entry way.

I thought these red swim suits were fun as well. Red is Monica's favorite color. Since she didn't get to go this trip, I will take her to Chicago for one of these soon.

I got myself an 18 inch doll and a pair of twin dolls for Monica and I to share. They will be my "working girls" on the website. I'll let ya'll know when their first photo shoot is finished.

Today...

2010-01-26T07:26:00.002-05:00

is a paperwork day (sigh). We got Ken's W2 over the weekend, which is usually an exciting time, but bittersweet this year. It's our last big return year. (I hear you don't get as much with only three deductions.)

So, I am going to go through all of my business paperwork and receipts to ascertain just how my business is doing, if my total earnings end up being more than last year, and, of course, figure out how much sales tax I will be sending down to Indianapolis - Feb. 1 is the deadline this year and I hear it is really soon.

Wish me luck. My goal for getting it all finished is 3:00 this afternoon. Then tomorrow, I'll tell ya'll how much fun I had in Chicago over the weekend.

I'm out of town

2010-01-21T22:55:00.000-05:00

Remember...

2010-01-19T16:26:00.008-05:00

this, this, this, this, and this? (There are more instances too. Only I didn't want to seem like a complainer!) In November, I went back and got refills of all this and my doctor finally said that I needed a pulmonary function test (PFT) to see what is going on with me. Well, because he gave me a refill of the steroids and scheduled the PFT for the day after they concluded, I passed with flying colors. "There's nothing we can see, ma'am."

Well, a couple weeks go by and then I have my yearly December physical appointment for my health insurance discount. I let the doctor know that the coughing is still hanging around and asked if I could just see a pulmonologist anyway. He said OK and scheduled my appointment for a little more than a week later.

December 16th was D-day for me. My appointment was at 10:00am. My symptoms were steadily getting worse since my last appointment with my regular doctor. So I did what every other sane person would have done, right? I skipped my breathing treatment the morning of my appointment with the doctor I had been waiting to see for 5 months.

I arrived at that doctor's office with one of the worst coughing fits I had had in almost a month despite all the requests by my husband to "please, take a breathing treatment." I told my husband he was nuts and that this coughing disease was going to get eradicated if I didn't die in the process, which would help get me to see my daughter that much faster - thank you very much!

The nurse took my vitals and went away for a while - and I hacked and hacked and hacked away in that room. A little while later the nurse came back in and said we're going to give you a PFT again, then a breathing treatment, and another post-treatment PFT. She led me to the pulmonary function testing room. She instructed me to take a deep breath when she says "start" and then blow into this machine as hard as I can for as long as I possibly can. Usually, they like to get three valid tests to be able to get the best information. Because I was in the midst of a HUGE coughing attack, I think it took like 25 tries to get 1 valid test. The nurse finally said, "I'm not going to torture you anymore."

I went back to the exam room and they gave me four puffs of an inhaler, waited 10 minutes, and then took me to repeat the test. It only took me 5 tries to get the 3 valid tests they needed this time.

The doctor came into the exam room a few minutes later and said, "You have asthma!" Then she told me that according to the medical definition of asthma, there should be a 12% change for the better between the two PFT's after the administration of albuterol. According to the charts my tests provided, my change for the better after the medication administration was (drumroll please)....25%. Yes, that's DOUBLE the definition! (It finally is my turn to get good news!)

So, she gave me another 10 days of oral steroids, for while the inhaled steroids kicked in, and also an albuterol inhaler for those times when I need extra help so that I could quit carrying the portable nebulizer everywhere I go. She gave me a written plan on how to take the medications and how much to take when they symptoms are out of control. She told me that my symptoms were "really bad." Then, she gave me another breathing treatment with the nebulizer before sending me home to "finish off" my coughing fit.

I have been going by this plan since December 16th. Today was my one-month follow-up appointment. I have taken all my medications like I was supposed to every day. I have only had to use the inhaler only about 3-4 times per week in the last week, which I thought was massive improvement from 3-4 times per day prior to my visit with her.

The doctor repeated the pulmonary function test today and said it was even better than the second test at the last visit, which she likes to see. But, she only wants me to have to use the inhaler 2 times per week or less. So, we are going to see in the next month if all the medications are going to do that trick or if she is going to put me on another medication. She said I have "severe and persistent asthma" today.

She told me that after I asked if I will be taking this medication every day for the rest of my life. After all, I am still in my early (-mid) 30's. She said after 6 months of being on all this and am within the 2 times or less range of needing extra help to breathe, we can talk about weaning some of the medications to see if my condition regresses or not. So, there is hope that I am not totally dependent on daily maintenance medication for the rest of my life. What do you think my chances are of being weaned off this medication with a "severe and persistent" diagnosis?

Junk Out 2010 - My second week!

2010-01-16T20:05:00.003-05:00

I still like the concept of this "Non New Year's Resolution." I will say that I find it hard to follow through with trying to get new parts of my home de-cluttered while keeping the parts that I have already tackled clutter free. Thanks, Ordinary Mom, for hosting this weekly link up.

And now, introducing.....

My new sewing room. This is the ironing station.

The cutting station is just to the left of the bookcase on the wall adjacent to the ironing station. There are some sewing supplies and a box of new clothing that needs hanging on my new wall peg boards under the table.

Next, is the sewing station. There is a pile of Ken's pants to hem and some PJ pants for me to sew together under there too. That is my "To Do" for Monday just because I finally want those things out of my room for good.

To the direct left of the sewing station there is a corner full of the notions I always need at an arms length and my computer where I can update my website, print orders and postage, and package and ship them as well. The boxes are in the corner under that table.

Finally, this is the other new peg board (with the empty space for that new product I need to display) above the computing station.

I find it truly amazing how everything I had in the before pictures could fit nicely into this 12' X 8' room. I am not constantly going up the stairs to iron and serge my projects and then running back down to sew another step. That was nuts!

I had cleaned out this room last weekend and then wanted to get the peg board and thread racks up and all my supplies organized before taking pictures. It took me longer than I thought to do those things. (In my mind it only takes a few seconds to process the steps needed to make my room a sewing haven.) Although I still need to go get three other thread racks, I was finally able to post the "after" pictures of my room.

The whole atmosphere of my sewing room feels different, and I want to spend time in here. In fact, I thought it was going to be good to have a separate space I called "work." Now, I think it will be my space to get away. I have almost everything I need in here. I just have to find a place to put my small fridge of Diet Coke!

I've been working on the railroad...

2010-01-15T08:40:00.002-05:00

Psych! I just liked that line today because cars have been lined up in front of our house all morning to turn left and go under the rail pass. (There must be one stopped up there).

Actually, I've been babysitting, sewing, and working on my "Junk Out 2010" post for tomorrow. You know, the "Junk Out" post takes some careful planning and follow through in order to be done correctly. It's supposed to be a "see what I did this week" post instead of how I posted last week. I posted a "see if I get this done today" essay. You know, a last minute throw together that gave me oodles of stress because I picked a rather large project.

After last week, I have decided that I'd rather spend my Saturday gloating about what I got done during the week and be able to sit on my couch with my family all day. So, that's what I intend to do. Off to work.

Just keep swimming sewing

2010-01-12T13:55:00.006-05:00

January is the time of year that I just have to force myself to put one foot in front of the other to get by. It's dreary, cold, and snowy (many years). Each item in and of itself isn't really bad. But, together they make the perfect triple sucker punch for me. There really isn't much to look forward to until things start to melt away and freshen up again. So, every year, I chant to myself, "There's only 2-3 months of this! There's only 2-3 months of this!"

This year, in an effort to try to help myself through this yucky time of the year anyway, I planned a bunch of planning time for my business, a time to work on fresh ideas (I have plenty of them in my head). I thought that because I make "toys," my sales would fall off the chart in January. Much to my surprise, and pleasure mind you, people still want the items I exclusively handcraft this January. So, instead of creating and planning my new stuff for the future, I just keep sewing every day because I need something to keep my mind off of this, C (you sunny CA dweller you)...

(The sky view from my front porch today)

Someone please tell me how you stick your tongue out at someone else virtually because I'd like to do so right now!

100 days

2010-01-09T18:45:00.006-05:00

...have come and gone since our beloved Megan ran to Jesus. I last tweeted that we were happy to spend any minute, hour, or day with her exactly one day before she left us.

I have created this new blog button in her honor.

If you are new to "Our Special Needs Life" you can get more information on the left sidebar titled "About Megan."

Junk Out 2010!

2010-01-09T10:02:00.008-05:00

Updated Post:
Here's my dining table now!

The sewing room is now my place to be "on the clock!" I can shut the door and forget I work at home, if I want.

I'm still putting the finishing touches on the end result.

Original Post:
My New Year's Resolution this year was not to make any resolutions because I know that I am never going to follow through with them.

However, I found this blog worth devoting my Saturdays to for a while. It's an idea that I have been wrestling with for quite some time. Then, last Saturday, when I was blog hopping, I stumbled on this new weekly "link up." It isn't very often you find a Saturday link posting club (for lack of a better term right now). But, I liked it.

And, this week, I love her banner too.

I was reading her post this morning and admired her work. I also love that she says her knitting stash is not clutter. She says, "You can't call your stash clutter - it just isn't...but it did (does) need to be tamed, contained, and at least have the appearance of being organized".

Ok, my sewing stash that's in this sewing room needs to be tamed, contained, and at least have the appearance of being organized - don't you think?

You might be wondering where I have been completing my orders if my sewing room looks like this. Well, where do you think? Why, the dining room table of course!

This is my project today. I'm fixing my work area and reclaiming my dining room table as a place for our family to eat! Come back after supper and see how I did. Yes, that's why I like the Saturday postings. I can write what I am doing that Saturday morning and get everyone to come back to see if I did it or not. That's what I need right now. Accountability. So, here I go...

Oh..Here's the list of everyone else participating today. Kinda makes you wanna join, huh?

New Jewelry giveaway

2010-01-08T13:31:00.004-05:00

Remember when I had the "Who wants some jewelry" post? A few of you said you wanted a necklace with you and your husband's initials on them. Well, here's another chance for you! My friend at Cap Creations is having her own giveaway.

Don't worry, you're no competition to me. I am not entering. I won these little beauties a few weeks back.

Now, go get yours before it's too late!

My condition...

2010-01-07T08:56:00.005-05:00

I have "I hate cold and snow-itis." Snow and cold and dreary days just make me crazy. They always have. I feel the cold with every ounce of my being and my feet never seem to get warm. I hate that feeling. We have a lot of snow and it has also been very cold since the first of the year. I am not sure God heard my pleas because we are receiving another dumping of the white stuff today.

Of course, none of the previous snow has melted yet - how could it if it hasn't been over 25 degrees outside this whole time? It's supposed to "snow most of the day today and be very heavy at times throughout the day." Then, another wave is coming tomorrow.

We still haven't had a snow day yet. We have to get up and go out in the f-r-e-e-z-i-n-g C-O-L-D every single day. This has been the longest week ever and it's not even Friday (I don't think - but I'll check the date on this post when it publishes).

I have been sewing because I am still getting orders. Other than that, I don't know what to do with myself. So, I have been lamenting about it being winter.

I hope the cemetery has the roads plowed soon. I want to go check on Meg's decorations. I wonder if they are even visible anymore? The last time we were there her wreath was face forward in the snow. It needed fixing and I was glad that she needed me to do something. She needed me to do so much for her for so long and now just nothing. ever again. It's a concept I can't wrap my mind around yet. Maybe I won't ever be able to understand that concept. I'm not sure I want to.

What is so hard about this?

2010-01-06T09:01:00.002-05:00

Get up.
Get dressed.
Brush hair.
Brush teeth.
Eat breakfast.
Take vitamins.
Put snowpants, boots, hat, gloves, and coat on.
Get backpack.
Run to the van.
Actually get out of the van and walk inside the school once we get there.
Kiss your mother goodbye.
And, have a good day until she comes to get you.

Why must there be so much in between all these assignments that makes it impossible for us both to do the last two things on this list?

Watching the Football Game Snow Storm

2010-01-03T14:25:00.005-05:00

So my husband and I were watching the Indianapolis Colts game today. They were playing the Buffalo Bills in Buffalo, and I had a thought.

GET A DOME, BUFFALO!

It's J-J-J-J-a-n-u-a-r-y!

2010-01-02T13:04:00.000-05:00

Yes, it is light and fluffy and pretty - until it has been around a few days too many.

It is also cold, windy, cold, and f-f-f-free-zing!

Here's a close-up of the ruler in black and white for ease of reading.

If it wasn't for my birthday, I would love to remove the month of January from the calendar. I think I could easily do without February too. These two months I could so do without mainly because of this!

I don't want to lose my dog multiple times per day only to find that he is covered in it and about to shake it all over my kitchen floor. Um, could you shake the snow off OUTSIDE, PLEASE?

Thank you so much!

I had to go out and shovel him a path to the fence so he could maneuver through it.

And now I don't have Megan to hide behind as my excuse for staying inside. I am bracing myself now for a long, cold, hard winter. Please, God, could this be the worst of it just for me this year?

But wait, there are lists of closings for this weekend.

I'll amend a previous thought just once. God, you can bring me another "no alarm" day on Monday because it's my birthday and the first day back to school, but then that's it for me!

Snow pops (a little modified)

2010-01-01T21:16:00.003-05:00

I saw this recipe on MckMama's blog and thought I'd try it because they are cute and I thought it would be fun to pulverize a cake after I baked it instead of the tried and true "bake and frost" routine. Plus, it's snowing outside right now and its supposed to keep snowing for the next two days.

These are MckMama's "Snow Pops." She made them and then photographed them outside in the snow for the background. They are nice and perfect.

I thought it would be nice to make them with a white covering, you know, the color of snow. But, when you use devil's food cake you can see the lovely brown coloring through the white covering, giving it a darker color - like dirty snow. Those "dirty snow pops" will not be pictured here.

I didn't have any nice food coloring colors, but I did have a bag of butterscotch chips and a little (tiny bit) gulf wax. It gave the chips less "drippage" and a faster dipping time for the project. I let the snow pops stand in a glass to finish solidifying once they stopped dripping.

I also used flexi-straws instead of wooden skewers because my errand runner "couldn't find them." They are kind of festive though.

Yes, they are good, even if they may not look as perfect as MckMama's.

Saying goodbye to 2009...

2009-12-31T08:40:00.002-05:00

is something I am looking forward to doing tonight even though it pains me to think about starting a new year and a new life without my precious daughter.

We started this year with subtle changes that turned into drastic ones, so many hours in question and pain, so many days away from our family and friends, so many months with health concerns for multiple members of our family, the loss of Granny and then Megan and also Granny's doggie, Gus Gus, in November.

It is with great emphasis that I say, "Good riddance, 2009! I don't think my heart can stand any more of your time!"

Cleaned...

2009-12-29T19:55:00.004-05:00

and cleaned and cleaned today! The three of us worked really hard in every room on the main floor of our home. We found some things we thought we had lost and remembered things that we haven't used for a while because the person who used them is no longer with us. We haven't thrown anything out or gotten rid of anything yet.

I didn't have the energy to do everything when we got home from the hospital, so I just threw all the stuff from the hospital in Megan's room and on her bed. Then, my business took ALL of my time from the day I opened the website back up until the Saturday before Christmas. Today, we waded through all the clothes, supplies, and other stuff from the hospital and funeral home.

We went through all of Monica's stuff from the hospital and her art area in the kitchen.

We are so close to having everything put back where it goes, except for the fact that it can never be the way it was.

My First Christmas In Heaven

2009-12-24T17:25:00.003-05:00

My First Christmas In Heaven

I am having my first Christmas in Heaven
A glorious, wonderful day!
I am standing with saints of all ages,
Who found Christ, the truth and the way

I am singing with the heavenly choir
I- who so loved to sing!
And, oh what celestial music
We bring to our Savior and King

I am singing the glad song of redemption,
How Jesus to Bethlehem came,
And why they called His name Jesus,
That all may be saved through His Name!

Oh, loved one, I wish you could be here!
No Christmas on earth can compare,
With all of the rapture in glory,
I witness in Heaven so fair!

You know how I always loved Christmas,
It seemed such a wonderful day,
With all of my loved ones around me,
We were so happy in every way.

Yes, now I can see why I loved it,
And, oh what a joy it will be,
When all of my loved ones are with me,
To share all the glories I see!

So, dear ones on earth, I send greetings,
Look up! Til dawning appears,
And, oh what a Christmas awaits us,
Beyond all our partings and tears!
Anonymous

Thank you, Amy, for sending me this poem.

Our family has two members celebrating their First Christmas in Heaven this year. Merry Christmas to you, Granny and Megan! We miss you so much. We can't wait to see you again!

2 Very Good Girls

2009-12-23T08:54:00.000-05:00